Eighteen Candles
by gleechild
Summary: If Blair left for France. Senior year is about growing up and moving on but will B be able to leave the past in the past? More importantly, will everybody else? You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.
1. Prologue

P . R . O . L . O . G . U . E .

* * *

_January, 2008_

"Blair!" Serena said, running from the cab, hoping to get her to stop.

"What? You want a lift to JFK?" Blair really didn't want to see Serena right now.

"Your mom said you were going to France tonight," Serena said, heart pounding. She needed Blair.

"She has a big mouth," Blair deadpanned. She wished she could have left without anyone knowing—especially one of the very people who had driven her to do this.

"B, I'm your best friend. She was shocked I didn't know," Serena said. She was shocked she didn't know too.

"Well now you do," Blair rolled her eyes. It didn't really matter that Serena knew. She was just like all the rest of them.

"What I know is how you felt when I left without telling you," Serena almost cried. She finally understood exactly what Blair had felt all those months she was away. She had hurt her so much. She couldn't let her leave now.

"Is there a reason you're here?" Blair was tired of revisiting old memories. Serena had hurt her, but that was nothing compared to losing everyone.

"Stay. Don't let some stupid scandal make you run away like it did me, like it does everyone in our world," Serena begged.

"Everything's horrible. My whole life is falling apart," Blair finally admitted what she was feeling. Nate, her friends, even Chuck was gone. The bottom had fallen out of her perfect world. She was panicking, she knew it…but she couldn't live like this. She didn't know how.

"So rebuild it. You're a Waldorf remember? People don't tell you who you are, you tell them. Stay and fight. I'll fight with you," Serena promised, hoping to change Blair's mind—_needing_ to change Blair's mind.

"I'm so embarrassed. I'm so…" Blair couldn't begin to describe all she felt. Everyone knew about her having sex with Chuck. Nate had dumped her, he couldn't forgive her. Her friends had turned their back on her and thought they were better than her now…and Chuck…everything inside of her twisted.

"So what? Start over. It can be done. I should know. We can get through this together," Serena was holding on for dear life here.

Blair looked up into Serena's eyes but all she saw was Chuck rejecting her.

_I don't want you anymore. And I can't see why anyone else would._

He had used her, just like she was a whore. She had been so intimate with him…and given him one of the most important things in her life. And he had ruined her. Images flickered through her mind of the times they were together. She had spread her legs for him and let him do those things to her…and in the end…

He had balked and gotten pay back by blackmailing her when she turned from him before he could. In his mind, Chuck always left the girl not the other way around. What were his words? An Arabian…_rode hard and put away wet_. He compared her to a horse he had ridden and didn't care enough about to pet down or groom properly before putting her away. She almost cringed when she remembered him lying between her thighs, pounding inside of her, eyes clenched shut and moaning, kissing her. It had felt amazing, but to him, she was just another fuck now. He didn't feel what he had felt before. He didn't want her anymore.

She felt so dirty and hollow. She couldn't see him ever again. She couldn't even stand the thought of him. When he was all she had left, he turned her away. He didn't care about her at all.

No one really did.

"I can't stay," she finally said to Serena, holding the tears back.

"But B, please," Serena insisited.

"I'll call you everyday, okay? I just…I can't stay here. It's too hard. I don't want to work that hard right now. My life is over, yes. I need to rebuild, yes. But I can't do that here. Not yet anyway," Blair said.

"B…" Serena's eyes filled with tears.

"No, Serena. That's my decision and it's final," Blair turned and walked toward the chopper. The guys gave her a hand up.

"Blair!" Serena called out.

Blair didn't even look back at her.

Serena watched the chopper fly away, tears trailing down her face, cursing the world she lived in that would make her best friend runaway.

* * *

_September, 2008_

**Gossip Girl here, your one and only source into the daily lives of Manhattan's elite. Guess who's back? You heard it here first—the original Queen B herself. Wonder what sort of scandal will come about now. We remember too well the drama brought about by the return of our blonde princess last school year. Senior year is about growing up and moving on but will B be able to leave the past in the past? More importantly, will everybody else? You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**


	2. Chapter 1

She was thinner than before. But just as beautiful. He had lied. She could never stop being beautiful. And the thinness…it just made her even more delicate. Her innocence, well, that belonged to him. It didn't matter though. In the end, he had given her a rude awakening to how the real world works.

She had ruined everything. Why did she have to come to him for comfort when she and Nate had broken up? Why did she have to take his dare and go up on that stage and strip and tease him? Why did she have to kiss him in the limo? Why did she have to make him sick with wanting her, and then sick with pain when she rejected him? Why couldn't he let it go? Let her go? Why did he have to torture her? Why couldn't he have pretended that she was just like every other girl he screwed? Just a little bit of sport and toss 'em to the side.

Why was he still asking himself these damn questions when she'd been gone since January?

It was her first day back at Constance. He was hanging by himself, surveying the area. He had gotten the text just like everyone else. He knew she was back. His reaction was quite the opposite from when Serena had returned. Instead of rejoicing at the thought of having some fun, he was actually dreading it.

Nate still had nothing to do with him. He'd though with the passage of time, and with Blair leaving, that he would finally forgive him. Chuck had ruined that possibility sometime last semester.

Chuck had finally found out—overhearing a fight between his step sister and her boyfriend—that Little Jenny Humphrey was the one to spill the beans about his relationship with Blair, effectively causing the fight between Chuck and Nate. Chuck had been angry, bent on getting revenge against the little bitch. He hadn't known that Nate had a soft spot for her. He guessed seeing Chuck pin the blonde to a wall and groping her while she tried to get away at a party wasn't something Nate would soon forget.

Chuck wouldn't forget the shiner that little encounter bestowed on him. It had hurt worse than the one Serena's bitch had given him—physically and emotionally.

He was tired of having to see Serena too. She was now, officially, his stepsister. His father had moved into the Van Der Woodsen house when the walls were finally finished being painted.

He figured that Lily's sudden desire to fix up an already immaculate home had more to do with the affair Lily and Bart had been carrying on in secret than the actual need to redecorate.

Chuck didn't join in the happy family home. His father didn't care what he did, and Chuck liked his freedom a little too much to all of a sudden live with four people—two of whom hated him, one of which constantly looked down on him, and one who had decided that it was her purpose in the marriage to try to mother him.

He didn't need a mother, and Lily had discovered soon enough that he was beyond reform. He smirked just remembering the time she had shown up at his hotel room on a Saturday morning. She had decided on the spur of the moment that she had to try something else to bond with Chuck. He told her that it wasn't a good time. She had forced herself inside the room anyway stating that now that she was married to his father, the hotel was partially hers and she could come and go as she pleased.

She had actually blushed worse than the time he had caught his father and her in Bart's office when she spotted the two women still asleep in his bed. He hadn't had the chance to get rid of them yet. Needless to say, Lily's bonding attempt was thwarted. To this day, she still made an attempt every once in a while…but more of a subtle hint over dinner—no more surprise visits.

He had some friends to hang with, but never again the friendship he had with Nate. He had effectively destroyed that. He blamed it on Blair and he blamed it on himself. If she hadn't given herself to him, he wouldn't have taken what wasn't his to take. But it had felt so good and so right, even if it was so wrong.

His only other really strong friendship had been with her. In some ways they were closer than he had been with Nate because Blair was so much like him. He enjoyed his friendship with her…and he had enjoyed their sex play. She was everything he could possibly want in a woman…except she didn't want him.

She had shown time and time again how much she didn't want him. She tossed him to the side at the ball, she was back in Nate's arms before he could even blink, she saw him watching her and _still_ continued kissing Nate in front of him. The final straw was her telling him that she couldn't remember what they'd had. She was throwing it all away and dismissing him from her life. She wouldn't even play with him anymore in the dangerous game they had embarked on.

Maybe it was because he had just smoked a joint, maybe it was because he wanted to hurt her as much as she was hurting him, but for whatever reason, his blood had boiled and he had sent that text message to Gossip Girl. Two guys in one week—he wanted to shout just thinking about how one day he was with her and two days later she was spreading those legs for his best friend. She was supposed to be _his_ now. Didn't she know? Why couldn't she be with _him_? She had used him and made him want all these things he shouldn't.

So no…he didn't take her back when she came crawling. He had dismissed her, not even giving her the courtesy of looking at her as he told her that he didn't want her anymore. She didn't get to just come waltzing back for him like an afterthought when her world came crashing down around her. He hadn't done this to her so he could have her back. He had done this because of that very moment. So she would have nothing, just like he had nothing, and he could turn around and let her know that she had even less. Then she'd feel how he felt—rejected and alone.

His plan had worked a little too well. He received the text message two days later. Blair had managed to sneak away in the night and nobody knew—not even Gossip Girl—until Serena showed up for school looking absolutely miserable. Serena hadn't said anything to anyone, but then she was overheard telling lonely boy that Blair was gone.

He tried not to feel anything at the news though it wasn't what he expected. She was Blair Waldorf, his female counterpart. She wasn't soft. She never ran away…it wasn't something he would have done. Except he had done it…he had run away to Monaco. He really must have hurt her with his rejection. All he thought at the time was how much she deserved it.

* * *

She could feel his eyes on her but she wasn't going to play that game anymore. She hadn't come back to rehash old memories. She came back because it was time. She was tired of sitting in France, living with her father and his gay lover. Life in France had been…good, albeit unexpected. Things didn't turn out how she intended them to, but she dealt with it the best way she knew how.

She was going to have nothing to do with Chuck Bass or Nate Archibald from now on. Both of them had broken her and changed her life forever. But she wasn't going to think about how much her life had changed. She couldn't think about that right now, it was frazzling her nerves and her control was shaking.

She needed all the control she could muster. She was walking with Serena. Serena had forgiven her for not calling everyday like she said she would. It had just become too hard. She had even missed the Van der Woodsen/Bass wedding—not that she wanted to go…but Lily had always been kind to her. She had sent an appropriate present and well wishes along with her father's.

She didn't know how life was going to be now. She knew that Serena and Jenny had eventually made up. Serena couldn't stay upset at her boyfriend's little sister forever. Dan had finally worn her down…and Serena had become a very forgiving person...considering the whopper of mistakes she had made and needed to be forgiven for.

Blair wasn't quite so forgiving, but she needed to play nice to find out what the new rules were in this sect before she started to change them. She just had to get away from the dark, demon eyes of a certain ex-lover first.

She yelped when someone backed into her, effectively making her drop her books.

"Sorry! Sorry!" She turned to see a guy with shaggy bleach blonde hair and baby blue eyes looking flabbergasted and actually sorry for this mishap.

"I wasn't watching where I was going," he said before bending down to pick up her books. He handed them to her with a smile. It was a nice smile.

"That's okay," she replied, accepting the books and looking around to see if all the many eyes on her had witnessed the little encounter and laughed about it.

"I'm Wes. Wes Armstrong. I just transferred here this year from the west coast," Wes said, holding out a hand.

She hesitated but then figured _what the hell?_ and reached out to put her hand in his. "Blair. Blair Waldorf."

"Nice to meet you Blair Waldorf," he continued to smile at her, forgetting to let go of her hand. She was about to pull away and continue up the steps when a voice interrupted them.

"Now Wes, as a newbie to this school, I feel it is my duty to inform you of the many hazards that need to be avoided. And that," Chuck said with a tilt of his head toward Blair, "is one hazardous waste site if I ever saw one. I'm sure slut wasn't on your list of things to do this year."

Blair pulled her hand away from Wes and glared at Chuck.

"Hello _brother_ so good of you to drop by with a pearl of wisdom. Too bad you're more of a smart ass than a wise guy," Serena snapped at Chuck. She looked at Wes, who was looking thoroughly confused now. "Yeah, go. Let him scare you away." Wes just shook his head and left.

Blair was still glaring at Chuck, wanting to strangle him for even talking to her.

Serena got up into Chuck's face and threatened him, "Don't you come near her again. Do you understand me? Mind your own damn business and we'll all get through this year in one piece," she said through clenched teeth.

"Oh no," Chuck said, looking at Blair's cold stone glare, "I warned you last year that the game was over when I said so. I haven't said so yet." With those words he turned and walked into St. Jude's hall, not looking back.

Serena looked at Blair who was trying to maintain her control.

Blair hadn't been at school more than five minutes before being humiliated. She sucked in a breath. She could do this. She could. But Chuck Bass needed to be stopped. She knew what it would take to get him to back off, but she didn't know if she could tell him the truth. The thought of being in the same room with him was enough to turn her stomach.

She nodded at Serena. "Let's go to class. I'll deal with Chuck later." And they walked off.

* * *

Chuck didn't know why he'd done that. He had intended to stay away from her. He really had. But then the stupid bumbling idiot new kid had held her hand just a little too long. He knew the look on the guy's face. He was interested in Blair. That simply wouldn't do.

He had told Blair that he didn't see how anyone else would want her. He had lied about that too. He knew how beautiful she was, how many guys would want to be with her. He had to let the new kid know what he'd be getting himself into with her. It was only fair right? He needed to know where she'd been before he decided where he wanted to go.

And if, in the process, Chuck was saved the possibility of seeing Blair with a new guy, well, that was just a little extra plus.

* * *

There was a knock on his door later that night at The Palace. He put aside the two champagne glasses he was currently filling and walked to open it.

"What do you want?" he said with distaste. "I told you I didn't want you. You can't possibly be crawling back for more."

"Chuck, I came back because my life is here, not in France. I won't have you following me around and destroying any chances I have of moving on," Blair said coldness in her face.

"Don't flatter yourself. I was just helping the guy out. Boy has a right to know where his new lady friend has been," Chuck glowered at her.

Blair grabbed a manilla envelope out of her bag and pushed it against his chest when he wouldn't take it.

"You've put me through enough. Stay out of my life. When you see me on the street, walk the other way. When you get invited to a party, make sure I'm not going to be there first," Blair said, angrily.

"I told you, the game isn't over just yet," Chuck smirked.

She pushed the envelope more firmly against his chest. "Take it."

He finally reached up and took it from her grasp.

She pulled her hand back.

"Game over," she said, no emotion showing as she turned and walked away.

He watched her leave with a smirk. Did she really think he was going to back down just because she commanded him to? She really must have forgotten who he was.

He closed the door and went back over to the bar counter.

"Now that your visitor is gone, maybe you can pour that champagne and come to bed?" the tall and leggy redhead said that was sprawled out on his bed.

Holding up a finger, he said "a minute." The envelope was too much of a curiosity to him to pass up opening just now.

He pulled out two pieces of paper and some glossy photos. He didn't understand the papers because they were in French, but the photos he understood very well...too well.

He slumped into one of the bar stools and threw his head back, clamping his eyes shut.

"Well? I don't have all night," the whore on the bed said.

"Get out," he muttered.

"What?" she asked confused.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out some bills.

"Take a cab. Get dressed and get out," he said louder, turning and tossing the bills toward the door.

He turned back to stare at himself in the mirror behind the bar. He didn't hear if the woman said anything else to him, all that he knew for sure was that she finally left.

He suddenly found that he couldn't look at himself in that mirror anymore. He looked down at the photos again, his stomach turning over, and he couldn't help but feel as though he had just opened Pandora's Box.

She was right. The game was over. It was over indeed.

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 2

He was waiting outside of the school walls for her the next morning. He knew which way she came toward the school. He had tried calling her last night but her old phone number had been disconnected. He almost called Serena for the new number, but figured she'd just hang up on him.

He had this nervous tick in his leg that he had to fight from shaking. He wasn't smoking a joint, but he did have a cigarette. He felt like he was about to explode. The cigarette was making him focus on his breathing—in and out, in and out.

Finally he saw her, walking up the street. She was beautiful, as always, walking with Serena, smiling and chattering about some shopping excursion probably.

She passed him without saying a word. She didn't even acknowledge his presence.

"Blair," he said, hoping to get her attention. He had to talk to her.

She just kept walking, pretending as if she didn't hear as she entered the courtyard of the school.

He ran up to her and grabbed her arm, spinning her to face him.

"Go away Chuck," she said before yanking her arm away. She turned back around.

"Where is she?" he whispered into her ear. He needed to be loud enough that she heard, but no one else could over hear what he was saying.

She turned around and slapped him.

The noise resounded in the courtyard and his nostrils flared as everyone turned to watch their exchange.

He was about to say something else but she held up her hand to stop him. Her face became just as cold as it had the night before, the look in her eyes said it all as he remembered her words. She didn't want him near her. She wanted him to leave her alone. He understood that, but he needed to know _some_thing.

She turned and walked away, up the stairs, and into school.

He stalked toward the boys' hall wondering how things had gotten so totally fucked up.

He needed to talk to her though. It couldn't be at school. Too many ears were around just waiting for the next scandal to break. This was not something that he would allow people to joke about.

In the meantime he'd abide by her wishes and leave her alone. But they were going to have a talk…there was no doubt about that.

* * *

"Serena, I'm so glad your mom finally opened the house," Blair laughed as they wondered through the home, going toward the den on a Friday night.

"So am I! Living in that hotel was starting to make me stir crazy! There really is no place like home," Serena sighed, relaxing against the over stuffed couch.

Blair and her mother were joining Lily and Bart for dinner. It was a little impromptu gathering, but Eleanor and Lily were friends and did the occasional dinner party together.

Blair had only come with her mother because Serena had insisted that Chuck hardly ever came for dinner and she was positive he already had plans for the evening.

"Serena, dear, dinner will be served momentarily and everyone is congregating in the great room. Come, join us. Blair, you too," Lily said from the doorway.

Sighing, the two friends stood up and wondered in to make nice.

Finally it was time for dinner and they all sat around the table.

Lily and Bart were at the heads with Eric, Serena, Blair, and Eleanor sitting on one side while a couple who were close friends with Bart, and their son, sat on the other. Blair tried to remember their names…a Horace and Nancy Monroe…she thought so anyway.

The son's name was…okay, that definitely wasn't coming to her. She was slightly pissed that he kept eyeing her though. He had light brown hair that was close cropped. His eyes were a little too narrow and his nose a little too long. She wished he'd stop looking at her but ever since Lily had mentioned something about Serena having a boyfriend he had turned his attention to her. She looked at her mother with a sharp turn of her head, effectively dismissing him without so much as a word.

Blair was feeling slightly uncomfortable when she saw that there was a fourth placement on the other side between Bart and the boy whose name she still couldn't remember.

She slid a side long glance to Serena who caught her eye. Blair moved her eyes back to look at the empty seat and looked at Serena again. Serena followed her gaze. She shook her head, indicating that the seat definitely wasn't for Chuck.

The first course had just finished being served when a voice sounded from the dining room doors.

"Sorry I'm late! School work, you know," Chuck hastened to explain before going to the empty seat. Nobody really paid attention to his excuse. Bart tried not to look displeased, Lily gave a small smile, and the guests and Eleanor just nodded in greeting.

Blair turned to stare at Serena, her mouth a little open. Serena was startled too.

"Chuck, I wasn't aware that you were coming to this dinner," Serena managed to say.

"I wasn't, but father called me an hour ago and insisted that I couldn't miss it," Chuck nodded toward Bart. "And I am ever the obedient son."

"Gordo! Great to see you again, man. How's Cambridge?" Chuck continued, shaking the hand of the boy next to him.

Ah, yes, Gordon was his name. He was a first year college student. Of course he'd be friends with Chuck. Blair was all of a sudden sitting ramrod straight and trying to control her urge to kick Serena under the table.

"Fine, you should join me there next year man," Gordo said.

"I don't know, I had a passing flirtation with Princeton last year, but I think Yale is my ultimate goal," Chuck said, his eyes flickering toward Blair.

He had only interviewed for the Yale usher position last year because Blair had asked him to. In reality, he didn't care where he went to college. He'd much rather school just be over and done with. He figured it was a necessary evil though.

"If they'd even take you, you do need good grades to get into college—didn't you know Chuck?" Serena asked sweetly. Lily turned to look at her, letting her know without words to behave.

"I've always wanted to study abroad wherever I go…of course I still have three more years to decide," Eric interjected, trying to smooth the waters.

"Well maybe you could talk to Blair about that. She did just spend a semester in France, how did you like that?" Lily asked, looking toward Blair. Everyone else looked at her too.

"France? How romantic. What did you study there?" Gordon asked her, giving her what was probably in his sick mind a flirtatious grin.

Blair took a moment before responding, she wasn't one to stutter. But her mother interrupted before Blair could say anything.

"Oh, you know, the usual. She had a private tutor. She was finishing up her junior year on her father's vineyard. A change of pace, and she did miss her father so," Eleanor said.

Chuck took her words in before looking back at Blair. He knew why she hadn't gone to a French school. He hoped he could get some more information about her time away tonight—hoped? Hell, he was going to. This opportunity was too good to pass up.

"Did she now? And how is Harold?" Bart asked.

"Oh wonderful, just... wonderful," Eleanor said, slightly flustered now. She had managed to change the subject but she really didn't want to talk about her relationship with her ex-husband. It was still a sore subject around other people, even after all this time.

"He and Blair sent us the most lovely wedding present, thank you so much by the way," Lily said to Blair as if she hadn't sent out handwritten thank you cards herself.

"You're welcome," Blair said, forcing a smile.

The rest of the dinner passed by slowly. Blair still wanted to kick Serena. Serena still tried to subtly put Chuck down. Chuck still wouldn't stop bringing up her time in France. Eleanor was rehashing old memories with Bart over Harold; the Monroe's were talking to Lily about the remodeling done in their home; Eric looked bored out of his mind and ready for an i-pod. And that stupid boy Gordon wouldn't stop staring at Blair every chance he got.

Finally it came to an end. Blair was relieved, but wondered if she'd manage to make it out of the house before Chuck caught up with her.

Then Bart rose to make a final toast and made an announcement she couldn't handle.

"Thank you all for joining Lily and I and our family this evening. You have always been our closest friends and we couldn't help but include you in being the first to hear our happy news," Bart said, standing and raising his glass.

Serena and Chuck looked at Bart; confused because they had no idea what he was about to say…and something about the entire toast rang wrong with them. What happy news was he talking about? Their stomachs weren't feeling too hot just then.

Bart looked toward Lily and smiled. Lily gave as much as a smile as she could muster.

"Lily and I are expecting a new addition to the family," Bart grinned, clearly pleased, as if his first and _only_ time around had been such a success.

The Monroe family immediately smiled and congratulated them. Everyone else at the table was having slightly different reactions. Serena and Eric were looking at their mother in horror, wondering why she had said nothing to them before now. Chuck was trying not to show his disgust that he was actually going to _have_ a sister or brother… but the other two people at the table—those were the reactions to really pay attention to.

Blair froze in her seat and tried to remember how to breathe. Eleanor tried not to look at Blair but it was hard considering that she had to look in her direction to congratulate Lily.

Blair finally took a breath and looked toward Lily. "Congratulations Mrs. Bass!" she said, a bit too loudly. Everyone was looking at her again because of her volume.

"What a…wonderful thing—a baby," Blair said, forcing a hundred watt smile.

Chuck was back to looking at Blair now, waiting to see her reaction, he was almost disappointed when she managed to contain herself.

Everyone rose from their seats to adjourn to the sitting room to finish their drinks—non alcoholic for Lily of course—and continued with a mild celebration.

Blair made a beeline out of the room as soon as she could get away. She had to get her purse and coat and she was leaving this house before things got even worse. She knew her mother would understand if she left without her. At least she hoped she would. Blair couldn't hang around and pretend that everything was fine. Chuck Bass was in the same room as her! Eleanor had no idea who the father of Blair's baby was, but she'd find out soon enough if Chuck didn't stop hounding her.

She should have known Chuck would follow her. He grabbed her arm and twirled her around, running his hand along her stomach just like he did a year ago.

"You lied to me," Chuck said, referring to that day now.

If he had known the truth, he wouldn't have sent that text. The fact that she could possibly be pregnant had been the only thing running through his mind that morning and it caused him to smoke a joint while keeping the nerves he _never_ had at bay. He didn't want to believe he had gotten her pregnant, but he couldn't stand the thought that Nate had either. He was going to help Serena and make Blair take that damn test.

Then she'd verbally slapped him, after letting him know she wasn't expecting, by telling him that she could barely remember her time with him and that he was a mistake. He had felt like his entire life was one mistake after another, one disappointment after another, he didn't need _her_ telling him too. It hurt. It made him want to slap her just as bad. So he sent it.

"I didn't know," she said now.

And she hadn't known. Not until she was in France, a world away. She didn't know the test had failed, but she could no longer deny it when she woke up every morning throwing up whatever Roman had forced down her the evening before. She couldn't deny it when the late period never arrived at all. Finally she had to tell her father.

He was disappointed, but there for her…even when she didn't tell him who the father was. She couldn't. She wasn't even sure herself. She wasn't sure until the baby was born with the darkest hair, slightly exotic eyes, pale skin, and Blair's nose—fortunately. Even her lips were his, as small and pouty as they were.

She couldn't think about that now. She wouldn't think about that now.

"Where is she?" Chuck asked his question from earlier in the week, the first question that had ran through his mind when he saw the picture of a baby girl that looked exactly like him sleeping in a crib.

"Leave me alone," she said, pulling away from his grip, needing to get away.

"Where _is_ she!" Chuck was trying to be as quiet as possible, but he needed to know the answer and she couldn't just keep running away. He grabbed her arm again and pulled her flush up against him, the closest they'd been since before the ball.

She pushed against his chest. "What do you care!" She glared at him, now.

He quirked an eyebrow, not understanding how she could think he wouldn't want to know.

"I gave her away! You didn't want me and I didn't want any part of you!" she said, spitting the words out at him.

He looked at her like she had slapped him again, her words—so much like his—causing chills to run up his spine.

He didn't know what to say, and she wasn't sticking around to talk anymore.

"Stay the hell away from me Chuck," she said now, finally grabbing her purse and coat.

He took in a deep breath, trying to regain some control. He watched her leave with the same expression on his face that he had as he stood watching Nate walk out of his life with the very same words.

He needed a drink. He needed to forget the glossy photos. He needed to forget a baby girl whose name he didn't even know. He needed to forget the brunette who had just walked out too. He had destroyed her…he needed to focus on not allowing her to destroy him as well.

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	4. Chapter 3

**Gossip Girl here. Well, it's official. The b is back, meaning B of course. Well, not in all her original glory, but apparently little J extended an olive branch due to S and lonely boy's persistence. Little J, what are you thinking? Don't you know it's only a matter of time? In other news, C seems to be the one who can't let sleeping dogs lie. Poor little rich boy didn't get his way. B really must have done a number on him last year. C, don't you know that she's done with you? As if that slap wasn't answer enough. Turn the other cheek C. We see your eyes following her every move, say it with me— "creepy". You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl**

Wes finished reading the blog on the silly site's homepage. He'd never seen anything like it. He knew gossip was something that people—especially girls—enjoyed, but to take it to this level. It was almost like a small town in the middle of Omaha with old biddies just waiting for the next bit of ghastly information to milk for all its worth.

But this was New York City, on the Upper East Side, where the kids were rich and the latest breaking news could ruin the reputations of any of them within moments.

He missed a lot of things about his home in California: the beach, surfing, friends and_ the weather! _And for some odd reason the first thing to really get his attention since being forced to move and go to this preppy snobby school was the very same girl he'd almost clobbered a week ago.

He'd only left when the blonde girl told him to because he was confused and needed to get the lay of the land. Not many people had spoken to him at the beginning of the school year, Chuck Bass being one of them.

And in the following week he _had_ gotten the lay of the land. He now knew that Blair, commonly referred to as B, used to rule the school last year before a public humiliation that sent her running clear across the Atlantic. He didn't know all of the details because things kept getting lost in translation…and it seemed as though things had happened so fast that no one knew the real truth, but it didn't really matter.

He knew how gossip worked. It was hurtful, spiteful, and almost _never_ the full true story.

After reading the latest blog on the site he now knew that Chuck Bass hadn't said those things about her last week to help him out—why would a perfect stranger do that? He'd done it because he was jealous, pure and simple. Almost as if he was scorned and trying to protect his territory. Evidently Blair was having none of that.

Wes closed his phone and looked around, finally spotting the first person to say anything to him at this school. It was an added bonus that he would be able to help with Wes' Blair intrigue.

"Humphrey… question," Wes said, clearing his throat.

Dan looked up from the book he was reading. He was sitting at one of the tables outside studying instead of actually eating his lunch.

"Yeah?" Dan asked, confused as to why Wes was approaching him. Wes was new, yes, but he had made _some_ friends at St. Jude's…whereas the males at the school still pretended that he didn't exist—even _if_ he was dating a van der Woodsen.

"That girl…Blair," Wes said slowly, "She's friends with your girlfriend, right?"

"Yes. Blair Waldorf is Serena's _best_ friend," Dan said with emphasis and an eye roll. He couldn't help it. As much as he loved Serena for being friends with her, he still didn't understand _why_ she was friends with her. But it was cool, he dealt with it. "Why?"

"And this Chuck guy," Wes continued without answering Dan's question, "He seems to really have it in for her."

"Don't even get me started on Chuck Bass," Dan said, shaking his head. He really didn't like the guy, especially since he gave Serena such a hard time ever since they became step-siblings. It was rather disturbing how everything had worked out actually.

"Why?" Wes asked, wondering what new tidbit of information Dan could add to this giant puzzle before him.

"He's an ass, with a capital A! A self righteous pig who thinks he's God's gift to women," Dan said.

"So…they have a history?" Wes said, referring to Blair and Chuck.

"Yeah, an ancient one," Dan rolled his eyes. Then he paused and looked at Wes questioning…"Why are you so interested?"

"Just wondering, see you in class," Wes said before walking away quickly.

Dan stared after him and just shook his head before turning back to his book.

* * *

"I'm so glad you're back, B!" Serena exclaimed as they sat on the school's stairs instead of the ones across the street to enjoy lunch. "Have I mentioned that before?" Serena looked almost sheepish, but she was beaming from ear to ear.

"Only a million and a half times," Blair said, rolling her eyes.

Truthfully, she was glad that she had left and decided not to stay. If she had stayed only to find out that she really was pregnant, she knew she would have had an abortion. Everything that was happening in her life—the drama, the lack of hope for a perfect future, the bulimia that she struggled with more and more—an actual pregnancy on top of it all would have been one item that she could do away with without too much effort at the time.

But she knew she would have felt the guilt for the rest of her life.

She still felt guilty for not saying a word to Serena about the baby. Only four people, other than her self, knew that the baby existed—Daddy, Mother, Roman, and Chuck. And only one of those people actually knew who the father was.

She didn't want to run the risk of the news getting around. She loved Serena, but she _had_ told Dan about Blair and Chuck. She didn't need Little J "over hearing" anything else.

"I can't believe my mother is pregnant!" Serena exclaimed now, showing a disgusted face. "Isn't there some unwritten rule that parents of teenagers aren't supposed to have sex?" Serena gave a shudder before eating another bite of her yogurt.

Blair didn't want to touch that subject with a ten foot pole. She just nodded and looked down, bringing another grape to her mouth and chewing slowly.

She'd gotten over the bulimia surprisingly quickly for someone who suffered with it for as long as she did. There's nothing like puking uncontrollably every single morning—and at the occasional weird smells attacking her senses during the day—for two months straight that took the solace out of finding control _in_ puking.

"B, guess what Dan was telling me yesterday," Serena said, looking a little mischievous and excited.

"Oh tell me, what words of wisdom did cabbage patch have?" Blair said, rolling her eyes.

"You remember that guy Wes?" Serena asked, looking at her with eyes sparkling.

"Uh huh," Blair confirmed. She didn't like to remember that day. The first time she'd seen Chuck Bass since he had destroyed her spirit and her life last January, he'd been…well…an ass.

"Well apparently Chuck didn't scare him off as much as I thought," Serena said. "He was asking Dan about you. He's interested!" Serena almost squealed.

"C'mon S," Blair said. She _really_ didn't need to be with a guy right now. That was the last thing on her mind.

"It's true," Serena said excitedly, "I think you should go on a double date with me and Dan tonight!"

"What?" Blair exclaimed. Was Serena out of her mind? Didn't she know that wasn't possible? Well, no, she didn't. But really, could she really think about _dating_ right now? It's not like she could ever tell anyone about her secrets. That was impossible.

"Just to the movies! Please Blair? It'll be so much fun. And it's not like a _commitment_. It's just a night out on the town. A _friendly_ night out!" Serena was looking at her ever hopeful.

Blair could do that. She needed more friends anyway. She was slowly working her way back up the totem pole and the more people on her side, the better.

"_Just_ friends Serena," Blair warned slowly.

"Just friends," Serena smiled happily.

"Alright," Blair said, shaking her head that she had actually just agreed.

"Great! Because Dan already asked him and…._it's a go!_" Serena rushed the last part, squealing again.

"Serena!" Blair couldn't help but wonder if she'd just been played.

"What?" Serena said laughing. "I'm just looking after my best friend."

* * *

_What the hell am I doing here?_ Blair couldn't help but ask herself.

Surely she had better things to do on a late September night then stand in a long line waiting to get into a movie. The movie they would see had yet to be decided on, but Dan had dragged them all down here for a special showing of Oscar movie winners of 2008.

Wes hadn't arrived yet and already Blair wanted to leave.

"Hi guys! Sorry I'm late," Wes said as he finally arrived. "New York is still a mystery to me. I got a little lost a street back or so."

Dan shook his hand and Serena smiled "hello."

Wes turned to Blair and said, "Hey," with his nice smile.

Blair couldn't help her reaction. It was instinctive whenever she was nervous—something she hated being.

"Hay is for horses. I am not," she admonished. And unfortunately that caused her to revisit that night back in January when Chuck had compared her to one. She clamped her mouth shut now, knowing she had probably said the wrong thing and Serena would yell at her about it later. She couldn't help it. She'd been in one steady relationship her entire life. She didn't know how to do casual dating…yes, this was a _friendly_ encounter, but she was pretty sure Wes still thought of it as a date.

"How about **Juno**?" Dan exclaimed loudly now as Wes stood looking a little uncomfortable and Serena looked hesitant about what to say to cover Blair's snap.

"Oh no, I've actually seen that one Dan," Serena rolled her eyes. "I've had enough of the subject 'baby' to last me a lifetime." She was still having trouble coping with her mother's pregnancy. As if her mother being a Bass wasn't horrible enough.

Blair had been out of the country when the movie was making its rounds in the US. Keeping on top of blockbusters wasn't something she cared about at the time. She was glad Serena had vetoed that movie because she _sure_ wouldn't have been able to sit through something about a baby.

"How about **I Am Legend**?" Dan said now. "Will Smith's finest hour, _and_ it takes place in New York City."

"That sounds fine. Wes, Blair, doesn't that sound fine?" Serena smiled at them, encouraging.

They both agreed. They reached the front of the line, purchased their tickets, and went inside.

Dan and Wes wondered over to the concession stand while Serena and Blair hung back to look at all the posters of the movies that had won earlier in the year…well, at least Blair was intent on looking at them. Serena had other things on her mind.

"Blair, what was that?" Serena almost hissed at her.

"What? We are upper class—born and bread with manners to boot. Manners happen to be a big deal to me," Blair said, knowing she probably sounded like a bitchy idiot and quite possibly flaky but she was her mother's daughter.

"Just try to be nice to him at least Blair! It's not a crime for a guy other than…well, you know…to actually be interested in you! Show him the Blair I know and love," Serena insisted. She did not want to bring up Nate or Chuck's name just now—she knew they were both sore topics for Blair.

"Serena, I really think this is a horrible idea. I'm not ready to see anyone—casually or otherwise," Blair said.

"Blair, you don't have to ever see him again after tonight. Just give him a chance to at least be a friend," Serena argued.

Blair didn't say anything else, just turned and looked at another poster. "Wow, this one's about oil wells and the old west. How boring can you get?"

Serena just sighed.

"Hello ladies, Dan will be along in a moment. He really had a yen for some Gobstoppers and apparently they had to go to the back for them," Wes said joining them, careful not to say the hated "hey" word again.

"That's cool, we still have like ten minutes before the movie starts," Serena said. She glanced between Wes and Blair before making a snap decision.

"And I have to use the restroom before we go in. I'll be right back!" She called as she started to quickly walk away.

Panicked, Blair said loudly, "Wait, I'll come with you." She really didn't want to be stuck alone with Wes.

"It's fine Blair. I'm sure I can handle it on my own," Serena turned and sprinted off, not leaving Blair with any other choice but to stand idly by a nervous Wes. She didn't look at him.

"Blair…," Wes began, he didn't know what to say. The evening hadn't quite started the way he had hoped. He knew it would be a bit of a challenge, he hadn't realized how big of one though. He figured her reluctance to open up had something to do with everything that was posted on that stupid website.

She didn't look at him, just kept pretending interest in another poster. She turned quickly to look at him when she realized she was looking at a poster of a movie she _had_ seen—**August Rush**. She was _so_ not going to think about a movie where all a ten year old boy wanted to do was find his parents who had given him away years ago.

"What?" she breathed out, trying to remain calm.

"Look, I know what people say about you…but I'm not one to listen to gossip," Wes said, hoping his words would reach her. She stared at him wide eyed.

"I like you and I'd like to get to know you on my own terms if you'd just give me a chance," Wes said with a question in his eyes.

After a long pause she finally gave a slight nod. He relaxed a little just as Dan and Serena found their way back over to them.

"The movie is about to start! C'mon!" Serena said excitedly. She had watched from the sidelines to see how things were going between Wes and Blair. It looked like Blair was finally going to relax enough to have some fun.

* * *

"That was _amazing_! Will Smith was _the_ movie. It was all him. Absolutely brilliant!" Dan exclaimed.

"It was so scary! Did you see how high Blair jumped when that thing tried to jump off of the table?" Serena laughed.

"Whatever," Blair said, rolling her eyes. It _had_ been scary.

"I think my favorite part was the whole Shrek scene. How he managed to repeat Shrek's words like that is beyond me. It must have taken forever to remember the lines!" Serena laughed.

"Yeah, the only problem with that was the continuity though," Wes said. "The scene they showed the kid watching actually took place _after_ the scene Neville was saying the words to."

All three of the rest of the group just looked at him, mouths opened.

"What?" Wes laughed. "I have a kid sister. She's always watching those kinds of movies a hundred million times. I can probably quote half a dozen Disney movies. After a while it just sinks in."

Everyone burst out laughing.

"Well…it is a school night. We really need to be getting home," Blair said, her nervousness returning.

She hadn't said much to Wes during the movie, but at least she hadn't been mean to him again. Especially not after he told her he had gotten his popcorn without any butter because he knew how girls watched their calorie intake. She didn't have the heart to tell him she didn't eat things that got caught in her teeth.

"But I thought we'd go to—," Serena started. She really wanted to give Blair and Wes more time to actually _talk_ even if it was in a group.

"I really can't Serena. I have an early morning tomorrow and need to rest," Blair insisted, interrupting her.

"Alright," Serena finally gave in. She had pushed Blair enough tonight. She knew when to quit. She turned to Dan to give him a hug and kiss goodnight.

Wes looked at Blair who was having problems meeting his eyes. Before he could do or say anything, she stuck out her hand.

"The movie was nice. Thank you," she said, still not looking at him.

Wes reached out and took her hand, shaking it gently and holding it a bit too long just like the first time he had met her.

She finally looked at him when he didn't let go.

"See you at school. It was a pleasure," he said, giving a slow smile.

She gave a flustered eye roll before yanking her hand away and turning to walk down the street.

"Come on Serena, time to go!" She called over her shoulder.

She had to get away. As much as she _had_ had a good time, this felt so wrong in her stomach. She needed to make sure Wes knew that she really wasn't interested in him. He was nice, sure, but it was too soon to start dating someone…_wasn't it?_

* * *

**Gossip Girl here. Spotted: B moving on, if her little impromptu movie date was any indication. Wow, that sure was quick B. She's on a roll: back to her perfect life, perfect friends…and quite possibly the perfect boy—surfer boy to be exact. Wonder what C and N think about this latest development. Careful dude, those waves look a little wicked. You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

Chuck tried to keep his anger under control, but he couldn't help the sickness that was spreading through him at the words. She _had_ told him she wanted to move on. It just didn't click what she meant by those words.

He felt like he was about to explode. She had his baby for crying out loud! She couldn't possibly be thinking of going to someone else.

But here was the proof, written for all the world to see. God how it hurt. Part of him knew that he had brought this on himself. He should have been a better man last year. But he wasn't. That just wasn't who he was.

And now she was moving on and all he could do was watch as his insides twisted.

It was a new school day and she had finally arrived. She was walking toward the steps with Serena, her favorite "walking to school" partner. As he observed, the stupid bumbling idiot beach bum walked past and gave her a smile.

He felt like his stupid dormant heart was breaking all over again when he witnessed the slow smile she gave in return.

_Damn it! _That was it. He couldn't take this anymore. She had already taken more from him than any woman ever had—she was the _only_ one to take _any_thing from him.

Dragging his phone out of his pocket he dialed his father's lawyer.

"Chuck Bass here, I need the number for a private investigator—a good one," Chuck commanded.

He listened for a moment.

"Yes. I have a bit of a scavenger hunt to go on."

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	5. Chapter 4

She knew it was going to happen sooner or later. In fact, she thought it would happen sooner. But she'd been careful to avoid him and she had hardly seen him at all during school, almost like he knew where she was at and was avoiding her as well.

She knew it was going to happen. She just didn't expect him to show up at her doorstep on a Saturday afternoon.

"Nate," she said slowly, careful to show no emotion as she finished walking down the stairs and met him in the hall. She had a vague feeling of déjà vu. "What do you want?" Not the best greeting in the world, but they hadn't ended on the best of terms.

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with me," she continued.

"Blair…" he began, looking everywhere but at her before finally meeting her eyes. "You left before we had a chance to clear the air."

"I thought the air was very clear. _You_ were very clear. There was nothing left _to_ say," Blair said, bitterness creeping into her voice. Yes, she had slept with his best friend…but he had done the same thing to her _while_ they were still together. At least she had the decency to wait until they were broken up…which shouldn't have mattered at all considering he had broken her heart and sent her running straight into Chuck's arms to begin with.

"Look…I've had time to think," Nate ran a hand through his hair. "A helluva lot of time to think and I know I wasn't being fair, but I was hurt." He finished fiddling with his hair and finally looked up at her with sad eyes.

"You broke _my_ heart," Nate admitted.

Blair sighed. "I know. I'm sorry. I was sorry then and I'm still sorry for not telling you the truth."

"Well I didn't either," Nate said. "…tell you the truth." Blair raised her eyebrows in question.

"I told you nothing would tear us apart. But it did," he said.

"You didn't know…" Blair said, letting him know that she understood why he broke his promise, even if it had hurt so much at the time.

"Yeah….but…Blair," he looked down now. "The text…"

He paused here and remembered that conversation like it was yesterday.

"_I saw it," Jenny said shyly._

"_Yeah and Blair's going to freak out. I mean it's a total lie," Nate insisted._

"_Yeah, of course it is," Jenny said, looking down at the floor. Nate started to think something wasn't quite right._

"_Jenny, look I know you're friends with Blair and you never want to do anything to betray her but if you know something…" Nate trailed off. _

"_Well, Blair was never really my friend," Jenny said almost bitterly._

"_So?" Nate said, praying that what Jenny said would make this numbness washing over him go away—that there wasn't some__thing__ at all, that this was all a misunderstanding._

"_So, yeah, there's something you should know…" Jenny said, trailing off._

_Nate looked at her expectantly; chills building in the small of his back._

"_Serena bought that test for Blair…and Blair was…" Jenny held off, wondering if she could really say this._

"_Was?" Nate's whole world was frozen as he waited for Jenny to continue._

"…_with Chuck, Nate. Blair was with Chuck," Jenny finally said, looking up at him._

_And then his world came crashing down._

"The text…what Jenny said…" Nate shook his head. "I thought you were pregnant Blair. I thought it was his. I thought you still wanted me to be there for you, with you, even though you were having _his_ baby." And he thought that Chuck had used her like every other girl Chuck had diddled for the fun of it and just managed to screw her worse by leaving behind a little something in his wake, but that wasn't something he wanted to think about right now. Right now he was getting some closure with Blair. Chuck was dead to him.

_If he only knew…,_ Blair couldn't help but think.

"Hell, I even thought that since you didn't tell me about being with _him_," Nate still couldn't say his name or even think about him without wanting to put a fist through a wall, "you were planning to keep it a complete secret and try to pass _it_ off as mine."

Blair was starting to get a little antsy. Did he really think she would do something like that? She knew her face was growing angrier by the minute. She would never have done that. She wouldn't even have contemplated _having_ the child, much less force him to accept responsibility if she had stayed.

Nate held up a hand, as if to tell her to stop her angry thoughts. "I only found out later that you weren't. Kati and Is weren't your biggest supporters after everything, but I know they missed you when you left and they hated it when people made jokes about…_that_," he couldn't make himself tell her some of the things he heard that he knew were lies.

Things like she had left to have an abortion in secret or that she had slept with all of his friends without him knowing and didn't want to suffer the humiliation of asking ten different guys for a DNA test once the baby was born. The dirty gossip had gone on and on until nothing resembled the truth, which was really nothing at all.

"They sent a text to Gossip Girl asking as her most loyal supporters if she'd inform everyone that you had told them that you were not in any way, shape or form, pregnant—not that it was anyone else's business. She did, of course, but not without making some joke about you running away because your kingdom had toppled…or something like that," Nate hastened to explain everything.

"And none of the other girls disputed what they said. That's when I finally asked Serena straight out and she told me the truth. She wouldn't have lied about that," Nate said.

"I don't know if knowing that would have changed my reaction that day, but…" Nate didn't really know what to say now. This was probably the longest conversation he'd had with her ever...and it was almost completely one sided.

"Well, that's all water under the bridge now…or whatever they say…you know 'they'!" Blair said with a small forced grin, acting silly for no other reason than she was nervous. Nate was talking about a baby that did exist like it never _had_ existed. It was putting her on edge.

"But there is a bridge?" Nate said now, looking up at her almost hopeful.

Blair raised her eyebrows once again. "What do you mean?"

"I mean…Blair…I know you're seeing this new guy, and I know him. He's pretty cool," Nate knew he sounded like an idiot, but he couldn't help it. "I was just hoping we could still be friends. I've known you my entire life Blair. It's kind of hard to forget the people you've seen almost every single day of your life," except when it came to perverted best friends who liked to attack girls and made a game of getting in the pants of every hot girl he saw, "I've missed you."

"Nate," Blair said her voice hardening. "I'm not going down that road again." She remembered the last time he'd come to her home asking to be "just friends." Look how well that had turned out. And no, she was not seeing some _new guy_. But she wasn't going to point that out. She didn't need Nate trying to flirt with her. She had changed too much to go back to him now. Her entire life was different now…and she knew he would never be able to be a part of her new life.

"I know! I know. Nothing else, just friends," Nate said.

"Friends…I might be able to do that…let's just see okay? But I promise to not avoid you anymore," Blair would give him that. She really had done a number on him—even if he had done a number on her first.

"I promise to not avoid you too," Nate said, relaxing a little.

"I guess I'd better be going now…" Nate said, backing toward the elevator door.

"Bye Nate," she said, relieved he was finally leaving.

"Bye Blair," he said with a smile.

* * *

Nate had been gone for all of fifteen minutes before she got the call.

"Hello?" Blair answered.

"Blair, my lawyer got a very interesting visit from a private investigator this morning. He was looking for information about the adoption," her father said.

"You're kidding," Blair said freezing and panic lodging its way into her throat.

"I'm not—,"

"But the lawyer said nothing at all, right?" Blair rushed on, knowing what this meant but needing to know the answer to the most important question first.

"Of course he didn't Blair. I don't pay him to go yapping his mouth, even if he _was_ offered a butt load of cash," her father said. "This guy wouldn't say who he works for. Do you have any idea _why_ somebody would be looking?"

Blair sighed. She wasn't sure why Chuck would be looking for the baby, it's not like he could raise it. He was probably doing this to torture her once again. He really didn't know how to just let go.

"Because I told him Daddy," Blair finally said.

"Well at least _he_ knows. I, for one, would love to know who got my daughter pregnant," Harold hinted.

"Daddy…" Blair pleaded. He knew she didn't want to tell him.

"Blair, if this boy is going to cause trouble, we need to know—to be prepared," he continued.

"He won't cause any more trouble. I'll see to it myself," Blair snapped, anger rising at Chuck. "In the meantime, the lawyer definitely won't say anything?"

"No. As far as the PI is concerned, he's hit a dead end," Harold said with a sigh, worried about his daughter and wondering if his leaving had somehow caused this entire mess to happen.

"Good. Bye daddy," Blair said. She hung up before he could continue to argue with her.

Damn Chuck Bass and his scheming. She had told him the truth to get him off her back not thinking he'd go this route. Why the hell would he go searching? He couldn't actually care. He didn't care about anyone or anything—especially not her. He was probably only doing this to start a new game. He wanted to see her jump. Why couldn't he just get bored and move on? He seemed to do a fine job of it last year.

* * *

Chuck slowly made his way out of the private investigator's office and went outside to his waiting limo.

He sat down and put his head back against the seat, eyes tilted upward but not seeing anything in front of him. His mind was awash with everything that he'd just discovered.

The PI had hit a dead end. The papers Blair had given him were translated to be a bad Xerox copy of a birth certificate. The name of the baby was blacked out; the date of birth was blacked out. The only thing visible on the thing had been Blair's name listed as the mother. The father's spot was listed as unknown. Even the date of birth just had the year listed. Blair really had just included it to make a point. She wasn't giving anything away.

The second paper was a legal agreement, written in French, of consent to adoption. Signed and dated by Blair herself. The other names and signatures were, of course, blacked out.

The private investigator had approached the lawyer listed on the letterhead the day before. He had flown back from France as soon as he collected all the information he could. It had taken a week.

The PI had figured out that it was a private adoption, orchestrated by a family lawyer—which were the worst to bribe. Loyalty put dinner on the table. Chuck should know—his father had many things that he didn't want people knowing about that his lawyer brushed under the carpet for him.

The PI did find something else out though. Something Chuck found very disturbing and was messing up his insides no matter how much he tried to fight it.

The guy had figured out where Harold Waldorf's vineyard was located and circulated a picture of Blair at the closest hospitals. He had worked a little magic and finally found a nurse that could be bought. He got the woman to look up Blair's record and give him some pertinent details—in broken English of course.

June 14, 2008. The baby was born two months early, a preemie. And Blair hadn't done so well either. She'd actually gone into labor too early which is one of those flukes of nature and was probably brought about by how young she was—or so the investigator had told him.

The bribed nurse also reported of numerous visits to the hospital after Blair had given birth. Her recovery was just as bad as the birth had been. There had been no mention of the baby's name in her file, so the nurse couldn't reference it back to a child patient file—and no babies listed in the hospital files had the last name Waldorf, or Bass—not that he expected his name to show up, but who knew?

No wonder she hated him and wanted nothing to do with him. He really _had_ put her through enough as she said.

He sighed now, clamping his eyes shut. He made the decision to stop trying to find the baby.

If he knew Blair, and he did know Blair, the baby was probably in a good home anyway—in whatever country she ended up in. Nothing but the best—and richest: she may not have wanted her, but if she went through all the trouble of having her, she was going to make damn sure she had everything she could possibly want.

And, really, what the hell was he going to do with a baby? He didn't want to find her to keep her. He just wanted to see her at least once. _Blair_ had gotten to. He didn't even get that. But whatever! Enough!

This was just another one of those passing fancies of his—as passing as Blair had been to him. He was going to do what he did best from now on. Escape from the world he lived in that sometimes almost bordered on pointless by boozing, smoking, and womanizing. Escape into the world that had brought him solace so many times before.

Let her move on! What did he care? She had come back because she wanted to rebuild her life. Who wouldn't miss New York? She probably still had that same dream of Yale that she'd had her entire life too. She always just rewrote the moments in her life so that they were as perfect as a movie. He wasn't going to try to stop her from writing him out of that perfect movie anymore. He was done, actually giving up.

God, he needed a drink.

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	6. Chapter 5

Chuck was drunk. Not so drunk that he would forget everything the next day, but drunk enough that he had managed to do what he intended. Escape.

That was until a hard three knocks were heard at his door in his room at The Palace.

He was actually alone. He hadn't felt in the mood for any other company besides his fully stocked bar and the glass currently gripped in his hand.

Sighing now, he wondered who could possibly be at his door. Nobody ever just stopped by to shoot the breeze anymore. He had successfully driven everyone away. Well, almost everyone. He hoped to God it wasn't Lily. But then, she knew better…it _was_ a Saturday night.

He dragged himself off his couch and finally went to open the door after three more hard fast knocks.

She didn't wait to be invited in—he wouldn't have invited her anyway. Blair pushed the door open with as much force as her lithe frame could manage causing him to drunkenly jerk back to avoid a face full of wood. The door fell shut by itself as he turned to stare at her stupidly—_what the hell?_

She rushed inside and turned, fury making her face red and her eyes blaze.

"What do _you_ want?" Chuck finally spat out at her. She wasn't supposed to be here. Wasn't the whole point of staying away from each other to stay away from each other?

"Back off Chuck!" she fumed with her voice louder than she usually used around him. A loud voice meant loss of control, something neither of them liked to reveal…which is why he didn't yell either.

"Stop looking for her!" she continued now, hissing the words, trying her best not to scream at him. "You'll never find her!" she warned. He realized she must have found out that he was looking for the baby.

"Stop," he said now, shaking his head and flicking his hand out, almost like he was patronizing her, "Stop."

She glared at him.

"Don't get your La Perla's in a bunch. I'm done," he said.

She didn't know what he was trying to say, but it didn't matter. She had come for a reason and she wasn't leaving until she got her point across.

"Enough Chuck! I mean it!" her voice was definitely approaching scream area now. She wanted to regain her control, but he had a way of getting under her skin.

"So do I," Chuck said low. She paused, realizing what he had said before her.

He walked past her toward his bar counter and sat down, pouring himself another drink. He was careful to keep his head down so he didn't see her in the mirror against the wall.

"You won, okay? You fucking won," he growled, slamming the bottle on the counter, not caring if it broke or not.

She stared at him wondering what new game he was playing.

He tossed the contents of his glass to the back of his throat, swallowing the shot quickly.

Then he looked up into the mirror and saw her looking at him. He winced, all the emotions of the day, the month, the year flooded through him. Without thinking about it, he gripped his glass hard before pulling his arm back and throwing his glass with as much force as possible at the mirror where she was reflected.

She jumped back at the sound of glass shattering, almost afraid now. She had never seen Chuck lose control like this.

He turned toward her, standing up again, his features fierce. He pointed at the door to his suite.

"Now get the hell out of my life!" he shouted at her.

She understood now. He was going to back off. He was going to leave her alone. Good, just like she wanted.

"With pleasure," she whispered, before turning and walking out of his life, just like _he_ wanted.

* * *

The next few weeks passed by rather smoothly for Blair. She had successfully won over Kati and Is, who really _had_ missed her, and the group had slowly migrated back toward her. It helped that Jenny had started the shift too. Of course she was almost to the point of making Little J pay for everything she had done last year, but she still needed a few more sheep under her watch first.

Her relationship with Serena was stronger than ever, and even though she still felt as though Dan was beneath her, it was obvious Serena was happy so Blair behaved herself around him…for the most part. She still called him cabbage patch though. It was almost endearing now…_almost_.

And Blair did get to spend a lot of time around Dan—too much time, in fact. Wes still liked her, but thought she wasn't ready to be involved with anyone. He thought that because that's what _she_ had told him one afternoon shortly after her blowup with Chuck.

He told her that he understood and just wanted to get to know her. He was fine with being friends because he didn't have too many of those right now.

So Blair hung out with Serena…who hung out with Dan…who somehow managed to bring Wes along for the ride…which meant much fodder for Gossip Girl.

Ironically, Blair didn't deny anything after each of Gossip Girl's posts. She didn't care if everyone thought her and Wes were an item. It actually made things a little easier. She didn't have to worry about Nate deciding he wanted her back or missed her or whatever. She knew that Nate hadn't _really_ seen anyone since her. Apparently he'd had enough of being someone's boyfriend and just wanted to be free after she left. She didn't even try to think about what Chuck felt about the situation. His feelings had no bearing on her actions anymore.

Wes had asked her some questions about her past. She'd given him the brief version. They had grown more comfortable in their roles as friends, so it was easier for her to explain things to him.

He now knew about her long relationship with Nate. He knew that Nate had broken her heart. He knew that she ended up seeking comfort with Chuck. He knew that she had eventually reconciled with Nate…and that Chuck had never forgiven her for it. He wasn't disgusted by the story. He knew what it felt like to care a lot about someone and not have those feelings returned. He knew that sometimes it made you do crazy things…things you knew better than to try, but you did it anyway.

Just like this particular October day.

In his bid to get to know more about her, she had told him to watch Breakfast at Tiffany's. He had finally given in—he already saw every movie ever made for someone under the age of five, he might as well toss in some black and white chick flicks while he was at it.

Most of the time he only got to be around her when they were with Serena and Dan, but today was one of those times he had her all to him self. Well, as all to him self as he was going to get on the school's campus during lunch time.

They were sitting next to each other on a bench, he with his sandwich and her with her grapes and yogurt.

"So….?" She asked, giving him a rare excited smile before sliding into a small amused smirk. She tried to act so grown up all the time, but occasionally a hint of this vulnerable girl showed through…he'd seen it over the weeks…he'd seen it that first day a split second before she put her mask firmly in place and glared at Chuck. That was what had charmed him the most. Without even realizing it, she'd hooked him. She was this giant mystery with a million different layers that he wanted to spend eons getting to know better.

"Well, it was a movie," he said now, giving a smile too. It was definitely not something he wanted to see ever again. Give him a horror movie any day.

"Come now, there had to be _some_thing you liked about it?" Blair looked at him expectantly.

"I did like their relationship, how it started out platonic and lead to so much more," he admitted softly, almost kicking himself when he realized what he just said.

She paused—looking a little flustered, and actually dropped the grape she had just picked up. They both looked down in between them, watching the grape fall, and managed to bump foreheads.

"Ow," she said, holding a hand up to her head and rubbing slightly. She gave a little laugh, feeling almost relieved that she didn't have to respond to what he'd just said. She hoped he'd gotten over the interest he had in her, but something about the way he just looked at her made her think he hadn't.

"I hope that doesn't leave a mark," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Let me see," he said before leaning forward and reaching out. Before she could stop him, he had his fingers on her forehead, tracing the spot she had just rubbed.

"Nothing. It's already going away," he whispered, making eye contact with her and deciding to give it a shot. His eyes fell to her lips and he leaned even closer wanting to kiss her more than ever.

She froze, not sure what to do, and suddenly felt a weird feeling like she was being watched. She flicked her gaze to the side and realized that Chuck had just exited St. Jude's entry way and had stopped hesitantly, staring at her and Wes. The last time she had been in this situation she hadn't backed away. She had continued kissing Nate to let Chuck know without any words at all that he had no control over her.

This was different.

This time she almost felt ashamed.

Turning her head quickly, Wes kissed her cheek and she pulled away. She packed her belongings together, standing up quickly.

"I've got to go," she said hurriedly. Inexplicably, her eyes flickered toward Chuck again whose eyebrows had lifted. She quickly looked back at Wes, blocking out all thoughts of Chuck and wanting to continue to ignore him as she had since their fight.

Wes looked at her in confusion, feeling slightly stupid and wondering if he had just messed up things by going too fast for her. He saw her glance behind him and then she turned and almost ran back to Constance before he could say anything else.

Wes looked over his shoulder and saw Chuck Bass standing leaning against the wall and pursing his lips as he watched Blair hurry away.

Wes continued to stare at him until Chuck's attention moved from Blair to Wes. Wes frowned, wondering for the first time if Blair really wasn't over this guy.

Chuck glared dangerously at Wes, a sly smirk coming over his face. Wes wondered now about the change in Chuck's behavior since the beginning of the year. He hadn't approached Blair at school since her first week back—that anyone knew of. Wes didn't know what had happened, and he hadn't really cared at the time.

Wes knew what everyone thought about his and Blair's relationship, but he hadn't cared about that either…mainly because he wanted it to be true. He had seen the odd looks Nate gave him every once in a while but Nate had never come out and said anything.

Now he was on the receiving end of the oddest look of them all…and he had this weird feeling, almost a chill, before he stood up and grabbed his stuff. He gave one last hard look in Chuck's direction before heading inside the building.

He couldn't help thinking that maybe Chuck Bass wasn't over her after all.

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	7. Chapter 6

"Serena, I said that's _enough_," Blair enunciated the last word. "It doesn't matter what you say, I am _not_ going to the masquerade ball with Wes."

"I don't understand you. I thought you were having a good time with him, having actual fun," Serena said, looking completely confused.

The two were out shopping for their costumes. Serena was intent on finding anything without a furry wrap because she remembered how hot it had made her last year. Blair was intent on finding a mask that she didn't need to hold—last year she had been immobile for the majority of the time because she was anxiously waiting for Nate to find her. This year she was going to dance and enjoy her self…with whoever happened to be in need of a dance partner.

"We were, until he tried to kiss me," Blair said, shaking her head and pulling out an orange satin shift. She put it back when she realized it had a big bow on the butt.

"Big deal! He likes you. And he's so sweet!" Serena said, trying to convince her.

"Then roll the cabbage out of the patch and bring on the California orange grove yourself. I won't mind," Blair shrugged, smiling sweetly.

"But I'm sure Dan would," Serena said, looking at her with annoyance.

"So bring them both! It'll be your first threesome," Blair paused and looked up at her with a question on her face. "It would be the first right?"

"What do you think?" Serena said, her face becoming a little angry. She hadn't been _that_ big of a slut.

Blair just shrugged. She was being a bitch. She couldn't help it. She _was_ a bitch.

"Fine. Don't go with him. Go stag to one of the major events of the fall season. Is that what you really want?" Serena said, knowing that Blair couldn't possibly want to go alone. Last year Blair had done everything to find Serena a date, even send out a call to arms on Gossip Girl.

"Yes," Blair said, nodding while her eyes continued to look through the racks of satin materials.

"Blair, Dan told me that Chuck has been giving Wes a hard time," Serena said quietly.

"What do you mean?" Blair asked looking at her suspiciously wondering if this was yet another ploy to make her do something she didn't want to do.

"None of it ever makes its way to Gossip Girl's website because everything goes down at St. Jude's, and you know how boys are a lot less likely to send information to her. They don't love gossip like a girl loves gossip," Serena said.

Blair nodded slowly, what Serena said was true. She looked at Serena expectantly.

"He said that first it started as just a little brush in the hall. _Accidentally_ knocking books out of his hand, you know little things like that. But it's getting worse now. And it's not just Chuck. It's all his little pothead friends just lining up to join in with the joke," Serena explained.

"And this is my problem why?" Blair said, not looking at Serena.

"Blair!" Serena almost shouted at her in shock. Blair jerked her head to look at her, surprised at her volume.

"Why do you think Chuck's giving him such a hard time?" Serena asked, astonished.

"I don't know? Maybe Wes made fun of his scarf? How should I know?" Blair said, looking at the racks again. She knew it probably had something to do with what Chuck had saw almost happen that day…but it had been two weeks ago! He hadn't said one word to her. He had told her to get out of his life, so she had. Why would he try to bring her back into it now?

"Blair, Dan said that two days ago Wes got stuck in the boys' locker room in nothing but a towel because some lame brain had stolen his uniform out of his locker after swim practice," Serena said.

"Well, maybe he should have _locked_ his locker? Remember, locks keep honest people honest," Blair said with a rueful smile.

"Fine, at least say something to Chuck. Let him know Wes is history. Stop the torture, you know what that's like," Serena said, looking at her seriously.

"Serena, you see him more than I do. I know! Why don't _you_ give Chuck the message? Just say it's from me," Blair said with a smirk.

"Whatever!" Serena said in exasperation. She had tried at least. She wished Blair wasn't so hard headed at times. She still couldn't figure out why Blair didn't seem at all interested in being with a guy. Blair without a boyfriend was like a theater without a movie. Blair thrived on drama and intrigue. Why did she seem stuck in a rut?

"I'm not going with Wes and that's final," Blair snapped now, leaving no room for argument.

"How about this one?" she said, pulling out a blue demure dress with full body skirt. "No, I'll be tripping over petticoats all night."

Serena sighed and went back to the business at hand. She still had to pick out a costume no matter what Blair decided to do.

* * *

She should have brought a date.

She had decided on a red scarlet courtesan dress with a slit down the calf and off the shoulder top. Her mask was a tie on and shaped in a cat-like stare just around her eyes. Her lips were ruby red as per usual, and her hair was done up in a simple elegant chignon.

She had entered the hall feeling confident and excited. Her return was almost complete and school was almost back to normal. Everyone was glad to see her at the ball, and she wouldn't have it any other way. She immediately began circulating and dancing and was really having a good time.

Then she saw _him_.

Chuck. Even dressed as he was as the notorious gangster Al Capone, with a vintage hat and white mask tied around his eyes, she knew that swagger anywhere. He was entering the party and he had his arms around two different girls—not Kati and Is, who had arrived earlier and found her almost immediately to talk about the latest gossip girl postings as if Blair really cared.

There wasn't anything unusual about Chuck with umpteen number of girls…if she hadn't seen him at a party since their blowup. He had kept true to her demand. If she was going to be at a party, he didn't show.

She hadn't actually seen him flirting with another girl since last January. Talk about torture…that had been the worst.

After breaking up with Chuck and sleeping with Nate, she had been left in a state of confusion. She knew how much she loved Nate, but she also knew that she might have over reacted with Chuck…and Chuck was her friend first—she didn't really want to ruin that friendship, even though it had clearly been too late to worry about that. When she couldn't get a hold of Chuck after the ball, she knew that something bad was going to happen. When Bart had told her he was in Monaco, sunning himself, she knew that Chuck could only possibly be doing one thing there… exactly what he'd always done when surrounded by countless women in bikinis. Only Chuck Bass could go to an exotic sunny location and return pale as death.

And only Chuck Bass would blackmail her into staying away from Nate while _he_ indulged in whoever the hell he wanted to in front of _her_.

Not that she would have ever told him that it bothered her. By the time she and Chuck had their argument at her impromptu ethics paper party she had decided that she was tired of Chuck being in her life and that she wasn't confused at all. She wanted to be with Nate. She loved Nate. Nate would never have tortured her like this. Nate had made a lot of mistakes, but he could never be the jerk that Chuck was.

But that was last year, and she was over both of them now. Or at least she was supposed to be. But for some reason all she wanted to do was go over and claw the eyes out of the sluts hanging onto him and his every word. She hadn't worn cat claws though…she had thought the eyes for her costume were enough.

She wasn't jealous. She wouldn't _allow_ herself to be jealous. But she couldn't stay there either. She couldn't be at this party with him over there macking on some sleaze.

She turned as nonchalantly as possible and slowly made her way around the room, searching for an exit. She couldn't be there a minute longer.

Once she reached a side exit, she started hurrying down the hall and turned quickly, barely paying attention to where she was going…which is why she ran smack dab into Batman.

She walked backward and glared at the boy in her path, not caring who this was, all she knew was that he better get out of her way now.

"Blair?" the caped crusader said hesitantly.

She knew that voice…

"Wes?" she asked just as hesitantly. Of course, only a west coast surfer boy would come to a sophisticated masquerade ball dressed like he was coming to a Halloween party.

"I was hoping to, uh, see you here," he said slowly.

She waited, about to start tapping her foot. She figured she owed him this after Chuck's fun time, but he needed to hurry it up.

"Look, I'm sorry for going too fast before. I know Serena said you didn't want to come to this with me, but I came alone anyway hoping that maybe you'd at least dance with me for a few rounds. What do you say?" he held out his hand to her.

She looked at his hand without seeing it. Instead all she saw was Chuck with two whores and looking like he had not a care in the world.

She looked up into bat boy's eyes and reached out to hold his hand.

"Yes," she said slowly.

His mouth curved up into a full on grin. "Well, what are we waiting for?"

She turned and walked beside him, holding his hand all the way back to the ball.

* * *

Surfer boy just hadn't gotten the hint. That was the conclusion Chuck was drawing in his mind as he watched Blair and Wes start dancing to a slow number. Chuck's mouth tightened as Wes put his arms around her and Blair rested her head against his shoulder.

He was sitting on a couch with his two dates lounging on either side of him. One of the girls leaned in and whispered that she wanted to dance. He didn't usually bring girls to parties for this very reason. He liked coming by himself and not knowing who he was going to leave with. The girls got too demanding if he brought them. But this year he had wanted to make a grand entrance.

He didn't even bother answering the girl. He made the demands; there was no room for argument. She actually started whining about dancing. He scoffed and pulled his arm from around her. "Goodbye," he said, not even looking at her, pointing a finger outward, letting her know which direction she could go to. Then he flounced back on the couch, the girl on his other side still snuggled up into his side. At least she knew how to keep her damn mouth shut.

He had been a little surprised when Blair had walked away instead of kissing Wes in front of him. It had made him extremely curious. Why would his being there bother her to begin with? It had started him thinking…and he had bided his time until the next big party. He was going to show up in all his pre-Blair glory and see her reaction.

He hadn't been disappointed. He knew who she was immediately, just as he'd found her last year almost immediately even though Nate had absolutely no clue. The moment she spotted him this year she didn't storm up to him and verbally dress him down without causing a scene. Instead she froze and then tried to leave. He would have figured that she was giving in to him with this party if not for the vicious looks her cat-like eyes had given his two companions before she turned to leave.

Blair Waldorf was jealous.

And so was he. He'd gotten the answer to his quarry and was contemplating what that meant when she had returned holding the fucking hand of Boy-Blunder.

He laid off Blair these past few weeks. After the report from the private investigator he knew he couldn't continue to harass her—no matter how much the urge to do so kept flirting in his mind.

He didn't lay off Wes though. The boy actually thought he had a chance with Blair. How cute.

As far as he could see, Blair was using the poor boy. Chuck probably would have just let it go and let Blair destroy him herself, if not for the warning look Wes had given him three weeks ago. Did Wes Armstrong actually think that he stood a chance against Chuck Bass?

Chuck didn't even have to lift a finger. He just made mentions to some of his boys about Wes needing some excitement in his life. Ask, and ye shall receive, right? Surfer boy had provided him vast amusement.

He wasn't amused now as he watched her dance the night away, _once again!_, in the arms of someone else. It was doing funny, not so pleasant, things to his gut just like he'd felt at the Debutant ball the year before.

Oh yeah, Wes was definitely going to pay. Wes was no Nate, and Chuck was going to make damn sure he regretted ever setting eyes on Blair Waldorf…Especially now.

Midnight had finally arrived and the masks had come off. In the middle of laughing and in a group of friends, he had looked around the room and spied Blair and Wes taking their masks off…and then it happened.

He kissed her.

Wes Armstrong fucking kissed Blair Waldorf.

And she kissed him back.

Son of a bitch…

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	8. Chapter 7

Wes was never one to question a good thing…until Blair Waldorf kissed him on a dance floor at midnight. The kiss was hot and everything he'd hoped for. It more than made up for all the crap from Bass and his school of fish. He thought that at last she was going to open up and give him a real shot. He thought that everything Dan had said to convince him to forget about her was just Dan being paranoid. He thought that the misgivings he'd had about her still having feelings for Chuck were unfounded.

He thought wrong.

After the kiss, she just smiled and they continued waltzing to the final dance of the evening. She continued smiling and giving her goodbyes to everyone as they held hands and walked outside to the waiting limos.

That was when things got a little weird.

She let go of his hand and started toward her ride without a word.

"Blair," he said, wondering why she was being so different all of a sudden.

She glanced back and gave him a quick wave before her driver opened her door and she sleekly slid inside. The door was closed without any preamble. The driver returned to his position at the wheel and just like that she was gone.

_A wave_? What the hell was up with that?

He was still standing there trying to understand a few minutes later when the cause of his recent educational misery left the hall…surprisingly alone.

"Not the brightest bulb in the box are you Armstrong," Chuck said, smirking at him dangerously.

"Piss off," Wes grimaced. He was not in the mood for Chuck Bass tonight.

"Aw, even after that kiss do you really think you stand a chance? Blair Waldorf is too much woman for you. All you'll ever be is surfer trash to her," Chuck taunted.

Wes turned to look at him finally, anger coming over his face.

"Now the places on her that I've kissed, that's another story," Chuck smirked.

Wes rushed up into him and pushed him hard. Chuck walked back for a second before pushing Wes' arms out to the sides and grabbing hold of bunches of black suit pulling Wes toward him. Chuck had his face up in Wes', gripping the suit tight. Wes was off balanced.

"Stupid, stupid Wes," Chuck growled. "Blair was wearing a new shade of green this evening. You didn't notice, hmm? You're going to notice a lot of things real soon."

Wes finally managed to get his hands back up against Chuck's chest and pushed away, breaking free.

"It's been a pleasure Armstrong," Chuck said now, adjusting the front of his suit. "Looking forward to the next time myself," Chuck said knowing that school on Monday was going to be extremely interesting.

He glowered at Wes. Chuck didn't do fisticuffs normally, but he really wanted to punch this guy. Half of him didn't want to lower him self to do that, but the urge was quite strong.

"Just back the hell off Bass. She doesn't want you anymore," Wes spat the words at him.

"That's where you're wrong young Armstrong. That's where you're wrong," Chuck smirked at him before turning to walk to his limo. He heard a sound behind him and realized what it was.

Turning, he drew back his arm and slammed his fist into Wes' face before he even got the chance to grab Chuck and spin him around for the very same punishment.

Wes backed up, leaned forward and held his mouth where Chuck had landed. He moved his hand to spit out some blood. He looked up like he was about to go for Chuck again.

Chuck just shook his head.

"See you in school on Monday," Chuck laughed before getting into his waiting limo, the driver already had the door open for him.

The door slid shut and then Chuck was gone.

Wes looked around and saw that there were still people coming out of the hall, snapping pictures at the ruckus and the aftermath. He sighed and wondered what would be the newest speculation on that stupid gossip site tomorrow.

He decided it didn't really matter what it said. He needed to talk to Blair and get a few things straight. This was just too messed up to continue as it was.

* * *

**Spotted. C and surfer boy at blows. C, your reputation is suffering, resorting to your very own private fight club over a girl? This has got to be about B. Poor surfer boy. Screw the waves. Look out for the current. You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

Blair was not having a good morning.

It was the day after the ball. Her mother had come home super early and announced—while waking Blair up at the crack of dawn—that she was throwing a Sunday brunch for some close friends she hadn't seen in a while. Thank goodness she wasn't including the Bass' in this little event.

But in the meantime, Blair had to drag herself out of bed a scant four hours after crawling into it.

Everything seemed to be going swimmingly well, even if she was starting to form a headache, when the elevator went off announcing the arrival of a guest. But it was too early for any of them to arrive.

She wondered down the hall and stopped in surprise when she saw him.

"Wes, what are you doing here?" Blair asked. He had never come to her home before. She had seen the post on Gossip Girl, how could she not? She just put it out of her head. She had enough things driving her insane this morning to worry about two boys causing a scene.

"Blair, I need to talk to you," he said, looking at her intently.

She noticed the split lip and bruise on his face. She decided she better get him out of the main hall before guests _did _start to arrive. Her mother would have a field day…not to mention start asking questions she didn't want to answer. She'd have to explain that Wes had just moved here…which would lead to an inquiry into the identity of the father of the baby once again and she was having a bad enough day that she just couldn't handle that now.

"Follow me," she nodded. He tagged along behind her as she went up to her room. She sat in her computer desk chair making sure he didn't get the wrong idea. He sat on the edge of her bed facing her.

"Blair, what was that?" Wes finally said. His frustration was showing.

Blair just raised an eyebrow, waiting for him to explain.

"You kissed me—," he started.

"_You_ kissed _me_," she interrupted.

"And you kissed me back," Wes argued. "Then you left and didn't say a word."

Blair was silent. She knew what she'd done. She didn't need him telling her. The kiss had…well...the kiss had been a kiss. It was pleasant, not overly done…but blood boiling passion? Not even.

"Are you still into Chuck?" Wes asked now, getting straight to the point.

She looked a little startled that he would ask that question.

"No," she responded.

"Really? Because it didn't seem that way weeks ago when I tried to kiss you and his presence made you walk away. It didn't seem that way last night when you kissed me in front of everyone—including Chuck—but made a complete one-eighty after we left," Wes said.

She said nothing. She had answered his question as best she could. He hadn't asked her another one yet so she didn't see any reason to respond.

He read the answer on her face even if she didn't say a word.

"Christ, you are," Wes said with disgust.

Blair started to shake her head.

"That..that…guy, man, boy, ogre, whatever! He's horrible. What the hell could you possibly see in that piece of shit?" Wes was getting angry now. He realized that she had only used him last night, and that was making the sting to his mouth hurt even worse.

He stood up swiftly.

"You know what? You two deserve each other. I don't know what the hell I ever saw in you. Do me a favor and tell your boy toy to lay off because I'm done with you," Wes said before stalking out of the room.

Blair sighed. This morning just kept getting better and better. And revisiting choice words from Nate's breakup was not helping.

She took out her phone and wrote out a text. The best way to get a message to Chuck Bass without contacting him directly was also the best way to let everyone else in on the news at the same time.

* * *

**Gossip Girl here. This just in—surfer boy has called it quits. Seems he couldn't take the pounding from the shore. It was only a matter of time anyway; and Queen B is spreading the word herself. How quaint. Did she really just do a good deed? What **_**did**_** they feed her in France? And what does this mean to C? Hmm…you know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	9. Chapter 8

It was a few weeks later, on a Friday night.

Serena had dragged her to a party and Blair was not having a good time.

She didn't want to be there and she didn't want to talk to anyone.

Chuck had gotten the message loud and clear about Wes, but that still hadn't stopped him from spreading rumors about Wes being impotent over Gossip Girl's site.

Blair could care less. She'd never felt much for Wes, he'd just been someone to pass the time with.

Chuck hadn't said anything to her at all in the past few weeks either. She knew he had to have some witty sarcasm to share over the change in events, but they had managed to avoid each other. Or maybe _she_ had just managed to avoid him.

But now, here she was…the world almost back to normal with her friends…apparently sending out texts to protect your supposed "ex" from another "ex" was a romantic redeeming quality that the girls loved. She'd managed to come out on top without trying. And Jenny had managed to plummet a little—apparently she had learned too much from Blair because she treated little E the same way B used to treat little J, even after little E had become friends with the sheep. Little J was going to have to do some reconnaissance work.

As for Blair, she loved being at the top, but she felt like something was missing. And that was just making her miserable.

Serena was off somewhere with Dan. Blair was lounging on a couch with an almost empty shot glass in her hand. She was slowly swirling it around, watching the liquid move. She might have had one too many of these beautiful amber filled mini-goblets already.

"Fascinating, isn't it?" Chuck asked as he settled down on the couch next to her, a bit too close. "No matter how many times you swirl it, it will always come back to its original state," he murmured, remembering a certain ripple effect that had happened last year and now, here they were, right back where they started.

She glared at him before quickly drinking the rest of her shot.

"Get lost Bass," she muttered. She put the glass on the table next to the couch and sat up straight. She was slightly light headed and probably not up for a battle of words, but she was going to give him at least _some_thing of her mind.

"Oh, but that's where I want to be," Chuck continued to murmur next to her. She turned her head to look toward him, wondering what he was talking about.

"Lost in you," he whispered a split second before he kissed her.

His lips were firm and warm, and just as hungry as they'd been at their first kiss. It only took a moment for Blair to forget where she was and who she was with before she was kissing him back and reaching up to run her fingers through the back of his hair, dragging him closer.

It was at least a full minute later when reality crashed in on Blair and she pushed him away.

She stared at him in anger; he just looked at her with heavy laden eyes.

She stood up. Forgetting about her coat or saying anything to Serena, she rushed from the party as quickly as possible.

Chuck stared after her as she ran away. He wondered if she had any place left to run to.

* * *

Apparently not.

He had sat on the couch for about ten more minutes, alone, wondering why he still couldn't get Blair Waldorf out of his head.

She had done so much to him, and he still wanted her…no matter how many times he told himself he didn't want her—or devastated her with those words—he _did_ want her. She had given their baby away without even saying a word to him, fighting him tooth and nail over her whereabouts, and still he wanted her. She had gone back to her ex-boyfriend and his best friend within minutes of breaking up with _him_, and still he wanted her.

He decided to leave. He'd had enough of this party already. That's when he saw her. She hadn't left yet. Instead she was standing on the sidewalk outside of the building, looking a little lost…and she wasn't wearing a coat in the middle of November.

"What are you doing?" Chuck asked, startling her out of her thoughts.

"Contemplating my circumstances," she responded without looking at him.

"Yeah, well, if you catch pneumonia I'll be sure to put that on your grave," he muttered.

She didn't answer. Just then his limo pulled up.

"Come on, I'll give you a ride home," he said.

She didn't respond or even look like she was going to move forward.

He walked over to the vehicle and opened the door.

"Just get in Waldorf, its cold out here," he commanded.

Finally she sighed and got in.

She sat on the long seat as far away from him as she could get.

He sat down in the very back and closed the door. After giving instructions to his driver, he settled back in his seat and just looked at her.

"Stop looking at me," she said. She was really out of her mind. She didn't know why she'd taken this ride. She shouldn't have. Except she was cold, and the weather had just made her feel more light headed from the alcohol she had consumed.

He didn't say anything, just continued to stare at her.

"I can't believe you kissed me! What could you possibly be thinking?" Blair huffed. She put an elbow on one of her knees and leaned forward to rest her forehead on the palm of her hand. She wasn't feeling dizzy, just out of it.

She didn't even notice him sliding from his seat and settling in next to her until he spoke.

"Do you know what today is?" he said.

She jumped and looked at him, glaring that he had moved next to her.

"Friday," she scowled.

"Seeing as how it's after midnight," he began. "It's now the day before your birthday."

He watched his words sink in. It only took her a moment to react.

"You have got to be kidding me," she said, looking at him with disgust. She pushed him away. "You sick son of a bitch, is that what this is about? You think history is going to repeat itself?"

He opened his mouth to say something, what? He didn't know himself.

She didn't give him time to reply, she was getting upset now and everything that she'd gone through since that fateful ride was falling onto her. Her sobriety loosened her tongue and she said things that she never would have said to him if she was sober.

"Do you have any idea what it felt like? You made me think you cared and then you showed that you really didn't!" she paused to push at him some more.

"You just _had_ to have your way and ruined one of the perfect nights I always wanted. You knew how important my debut was to me! But I should have known because you already took one of my other perfect nights. All my firsts. First sex, first pregnancy, first birth," she was really letting it all out now and started hitting his chest.

He tried to catch her hands, her words causing him to ache. He finally managed to grab them both and stopped her.

She glared at him through her tears. "I _trusted _you! And then all you did was torture me and then you ruined my life and then…and then," she was crying now, emotions running hot. "Then I almost _died_ having her and nobody was there! _You_ weren't there!"

She broke down and collapsed against his chest. He swallowed hard and wrapped his arms around her. Whatever he had expected when he offered her a ride home, this was not it.

He just held her until her tears subsided. He didn't know what else to do. When she finally started to pull away he whispered her name, "Blair…"

She looked up at him, her eyes wide and beautiful though tears had made them glassy. She was starting to feel sick to her stomach that she'd reacted this way. She was just hoping that he wouldn't make things worse.

"I'm here now," he said, giving her a slow smile.

Blair clamped her eyes shut. Did he really just say that to her? Wasn't it too late for him to say that? He could have been there for her in January when she'd come to him desperate for someone to hold her. He could have been there for her during her pregnancy when she felt alone in the middle of her fawning father and his gay lover who couldn't possibly be what she needed. He could have been there when she was freaking out because she was about to go into labor and was scared to death. But he wasn't. Wasn't it too late? Would he really be there now?

"You sure?" she finally whispered, opening her eyes.

He leaned forward and kissed her.

She kissed him back, falling into him, desperate in her bid to feel him, to touch him again. She wanted him. She hated what he did to her, but she couldn't stop the way he made her feel.

And it was as perfect as the first time. He was perfect. The way he held her and kissed her and everything just exploded in this haze of passion that she hadn't felt since the last time they had been together.

Her senses were reeling and the only thing she could think about was how much she had missed him, missed _this_.

As he laid her down in the back of a moving vehicle once again, they both removed all barriers between them and tried to find that perfect moment in time that they had a year ago today.

They found it.

* * *

A phone was ringing.

Correction.

Her phone was ringing. She'd know that ring tone anywhere. It had awakened her every day since her return at the same time. It must be 6 a.m.

The phone stopped and she sighed. Her head was starting to pound. She really must have drank too much the night before. She knew the phone would start ringing again in a minute or so, she might as well rouse herself enough to answer it.

She rolled to her back and stretched. She froze when her foot brushed warm skin under the blanket.

Everything came rushing back as she swiftly turned her head to the left and stared at Chuck Bass asleep next to her.

_Oh my God_ she thought. She had said…and he had…and then she…_oh my gosh_.

She had sex with Chuck Bass again! And not just once like last time. Oh no, not even. In the limo, and then they went to _his_ place and stumbled into his massive bed and went at it for hours. Neither of them had said another word to each other, just content to feel.

She swore to herself right then that she was never drinking around Chuck Bass again. Just look what happened the last time, and now this!

She froze and tried to remember if they had used protection. Then she remembered that she was actually on the pill now. Something she'd had to do after the baby tore up her system and her flow went out of control. She still thought about it though and she did remember him protecting her. It was silly to think for a second that he wouldn't. He had always done it before. But condoms weren't always one hundred percent effective against pregnancy—as they had found out the hard way.

The phone started ringing again.

She sat up and grabbed it quickly, pressing the Send button and holding her hand over the speaker. She looked over at Chuck to see if the phone had disturbed him.

He didn't even move.

She brought the phone up to her ear. "Yes, daddy, just give me a minute," she whispered.

She grabbed the sheet that was scrunched to her side of the bed and wrapped it around her before going into the bathroom and closing the door shut as quietly and tightly as possible.

He opened his eyes and jumped out of bed as soon as the door was closed.

He hadn't wanted to wake up when the phone started its insistent ringing, but when she had answered it he found himself wondering who could possibly be calling her this early. He pretended to be asleep while she let him know by whispering into the phone that she was talking to her father.

He walked over to the door now, curious as to why her father would be calling her at six in the morning…that would be about noon in France, right?

He couldn't hear anything through the door, of course, but decided to chance her anger and slowly turned the knob. He pushed the door open a crack. He could see her through the mirror on the wall to the left of the door. She was sitting on the edge of the wide hot tub with her back toward the door, talking into the phone.

"Okay dad, go ahead," she said. She didn't whisper this time, but she still kept her voice low.

He froze at what she did next.

"Hush little baby don't you cry, Mama's gonna sing you a lullabye," Blair started the song.

He backed away from the door, not caring that it was still opened that small crack.

She knew where the baby was. All this time, and she just kept hiding the truth from him. He didn't understand, especially not after he had gone looking.

He stumbled back over to the bed and sat down. He dragged on a pair of boxers before fluffing his pillows and lying back onto them, pulling the comforter up.

He sat there in quiet contemplation until she finally left the bathroom ten minutes later.

She walked in and immediately started looking for her clothes.

He stared at her until she finally looked at him.

"Oh, you're awake. I'm leaving," she said as if he couldn't already figure that out.

"Do you think we'll ever stop trying our hardest to hurt each other as much as possible?" he asked.

She was in the middle of putting her dress over her head, pausing when he asked that. She finished with the downward movement and pulled on her panties and shoes with furious movements.

"It's what we do," she said. "Give and take…we keep trying to take." She finished with her clothing and moved to the other side of the bed to grab her hand bag.

"Where is she?" Chuck asked the first question that had entered his mind upon looking at those photos again. He figured he knew now, but he wanted her to admit it.

She paled and looked at him, glaring. "You shouldn't eavesdrop." And she should have waited to take the phone call after she left. She always sang the baby to sleep before her noon nap. It worked out well because six was the time she usually got up for school…and it was the only interaction she could have this far away.

"Blair," he said seriously. He wanted an answer.

"Shut up," Blair snapped. She turned and was intent on walking out the door.

"I want to meet her. Your father adopted her, right?" he said, sitting up on the bed and swinging his legs to the side.

She came up short and turned back to face him swiftly. "I never gave her away. He's just taking care of her until I finish school. And no, you can't meet her," she said sharply. She had almost gone through with a private adoption but Roman had helped to convince her that she really could keep the baby and avoid a scandal by leaving her in France.

"Why?" he asked, trying to understand, especially after last night. He knew he couldn't threaten legal action right now, even if he wanted to. The baby wasn't in the country. US law was void.

"I don't want _you_ to have anything to do with her," Blair said harshly. "You only know how to take Chuck. You don't know what love is. She doesn't need a father like you!"

Chuck looked at her feeling as if she had just slapped him again. He finally understood some of what she must have felt when he said those final words to her last year. Because surely he felt right now as unwanted and as unworthy as she had to have felt.

"There will be no repeats of last year tonight. Just stay away from me Chuck. Last night was a mistake—a stupid mistake. I don't need you anymore," she said before turning and walking quickly out of the hotel room.

Chuck watched her go and couldn't believe how much she could still hurt him after all this time. He was Chuck fucking Bass the ass. He didn't get hurt. He didn't have a heart. But he really did care about Blair, no matter how much he denied it. And he really did care about a baby that was partly his.

He knew she was right though. He didn't know how to be what she wanted for the baby. He smoked pot and drank like a sieve. He had a different girl in his bed every time the mood struck him, which was quite frequently. He didn't study at all even though his father was always on his back about it. He basically bullshitted his way through life trying to find pleasure wherever he could because the reality was too harsh to take in.

He didn't know what to do here. He didn't have anyone to turn to. He never asked people for advice. That's not the way he worked. But maybe it was time for a change.

He reached over and picked up his cell phone. He found the unfamiliar number and pressed send, waiting for the person to answer.

"Hello?" a sleepy voice said.

"Lily, would you consider bonding with me over breakfast?"

_

* * *

_

To be continued…


	10. Chapter 9

If someone had told him two months ago he'd be in the position he was now, he'd have laughed in their face. Hell, if someone had told him two _days_ ago, he'd have done the same thing.

He wasn't laughing now.

In fact, he was actually feeling extremely awkward. For the first time in his life he couldn't seem to find words.

He had succeeded in dragging the pregnant Lily out of bed and readying herself to meet with him for breakfast at The Palace dining area.

It was eight thirty a.m. on a Saturday morning and Chuck Bass was having breakfast with his step mother.

They had exchanged pleasantries at first. She had been there when he arrived—he had held off showing up as much as possible even though he was the one to initiate this little meeting.

She clearly had no idea what had changed his mind, but she knew teenagers. She wasn't going to pry. She'd just sit and enjoy her breakfast and ask all the questions she was supposed to ask about school and hobbies. He'd get to the point eventually.

Finally, when he had nothing left on his plate to shove into his mouth to prevent him from speaking, he leaned back and quietly sipped his orange juice. If she hadn't seen the waiter set it there herself and knew it hadn't been tampered with, she might have thought it was spiked. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen him drink anything non-alcoholic.

She sat back and watched him, not saying anything. He needed time to get the words out. It wasn't quite what she expected.

"So…what's the deal?" Chuck asked, looking at his glass…anywhere but at her.

"Deal?" Lily asked. She didn't have any idea what he was referring to.

"Why do you even care?" Chuck asked, referring to their entire meeting and the fact that Lily wanted to bond with him in the first place.

Lily understood what he was asking. She thought about it for a second before finally responding.

"Because my children are the most important thing in my life," Lily began. "And when I married your father you became one of them." She knew what she was taking on when she'd agreed to marry Bart. She understood that he had a child, just like she had two. And Bart had definitely tried to reach hers. She hadn't even required it of him. She almost felt guilty for deciding to marry him _not_ because he was her first choice, but because of what Serena had said. Dan was the most important thing in the world to Serena. Lily had done what she'd asked because Serena was to her what Dan was to Serena.

"You don't seem too pleased about this one," Chuck said, finally looking up and nodding toward her stomach.

She reached down and covered her slightly swollen stomach with a hand. A slow smile came across her face.

"It was…unexpected," Lily said, amused once again at the irony of it all. She couldn't believe that her children were almost grown—she was finally almost done! And then, wham, along comes another one.

She looked at Chuck. She knew he couldn't possibly understand what she was talking about. Bart was a good man, but he didn't know how to show Chuck affection very well. Maybe this was why he'd finally called her. She hastened to explain.

"But, that doesn't make him or her any less important or special," she continued.

"Well, maybe it'll take after your side, not my father's," Chuck gave a self deprecatory smirk.

"It doesn't matter," Lily said quickly. "She or he can make as many mistakes, be the worst person ever, but it won't make me care any less." Chuck finally met her gaze, really listening to her.

"I'll always hope she or he could change, but I'll love them unconditionally," she explained. She paused now. She wasn't sure if this was what Chuck was asking for, and she didn't want to throw too much at him if she was wrong.

He looked down, swirling his orange juice around again before asking his next question.

"Do you think it's possible to make such a drastic change?" he asked slowly.

Lily considered his question. She had a feeling her answer was going to be really important and she needed to get it just right.

"Do you remember my daughter before boarding school?" she asked.

A slow smirk came over his face and he nodded, still not looking at her.

"I don't know what caused her to change…whether it was Dan or just her growing up…but she did," Lily said, a smile forming on her face. "And I am grateful that she's so happy now…"

Chuck nodded impatiently, not really wanting to hear about Serena.

"But I wouldn't love her any less if she changed back," Lily said noticing his restlessness.

"Charles," she said now, reaching across to put her hand over his other hand that was resting on the table, not holding his glass.

He froze at the contact and looked up at her, startled.

"People are generally good Charles. It's life that gets in the way and hardens you to the rest of the world. It's all a matter of deciding what's most important to you and going after it. Without purpose, life is meaningless."

He didn't say anything, just continued to look at her as the words sunk in.

Finally he looked away and gave a hesitant smile.

"Well, how'd we do? Was it quite the experience you've been hoping for?" Chuck made a joke about the whole bonding thing now. He could only stand so much of this crap at a time. And he really wanted to get out of there suddenly.

"It was…unexpected," she said, just as she had referred to the new baby earlier. She didn't know what had brought on his questions but she hoped she had helped him.

"A pleasure, madam" Chuck said now, standing up and giving a slight bow before turning to leave.

"Charles?" she called out his name.

He reluctantly turned around.

"Sunday dinners at the house are always a delight. The cook really outdoes herself," she mentioned. "See you at seven?"

He looked at her, considering, not really sure why he was even thinking about it. And then he surprised himself with his response.

He slowly nodded before turning and walking away.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief that things had gone so well. But she was feeling tired. She hoped he didn't want to get up this early all the time. She was already in the mood for her daily nap. Maybe she could get away with two of them today.

* * *

He had wondered aimlessly for most of the day. Lily's words weren't something he was going to forget soon. He briefly wondered what it would have been like to grow up with a mother like her…but that was a pointless thought so he moved on.

He wanted Blair. He wanted the baby. And he was slowly beginning to realize that if he didn't do something right for once in his life he was going to lose it all. His life finally had some purpose, some direction.

But since he'd never had that before, he was batting zero and had no idea what he was going to do.

He passed by the jewelers to see if Blair had put anything on hold like she did every year since she decided that diamonds really were a woman's best friend. She hadn't.

A small idea was forming in his head and he thought it might actually work. It was almost like what he'd done last year when he'd been overcome by stomach flutters and anxious to prove to her that her gift to him hadn't been taken lightly.

He was just hoping he could get this right.

* * *

He hadn't counted on being too late.

He had arrived just before midnight. He wanted to be the one there for her as soon as it turned into her birthday. He walked in and wondered around the party location. It was another penthouse on the Upper East Side, this time it was Is' turn to make the arrangements and the party was in full swing.

He knew it was only seconds before midnight when he spotted Serena carrying a lighted cake from the other side of the room. He followed at a distance behind her knowing that she would lead him straight to Blair.

He froze at the corner of the doorway leading to the room she was in. She was by a table, smiling happily and surrounded by all her friends. They gathered around and sang to her before she leaned down and blew them out.

It was a happy moment for her. It wasn't a happy moment for him.

Because standing next to her and helping her blow out those candles was none other than Nate Archibald, his ex-best friend and her ex-boyfriend of many years.

He stood in shock, watching as she looked at Nate saying something to her while Serena put the cake knife in her hand.

Pain rushed through him when Nate reached up and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. She didn't flinch away. She just kept on smiling and turned back to finish cutting the cake.

He couldn't help but feel as though he had come completely full circle.

He backed away and left. He had been too late. He should have known Nate would come back into the picture. And how could he possibly compete with him?

* * *

This time _he_ didn't have any place to run to. He wondered outside of the building and sat on the front stoop, off to the side. He didn't know how long he sat there absorbed in his thoughts. He didn't know who had left the party and walked by him without even noticing him in the shadows. All he knew was the numbness that had washed over him.

"What are you doing out here all alone?"

He was startled out of his thoughts at the question and turned to look up at Blair standing there by herself looking down at him in confusion. She was clearly on her way out. The party must be almost over. How long _had_ he been sitting there?

He looked away.

"You told me not to come," he said.

She sighed and sat down next to him on the stoop.

"You did anyway," she said.

He looked down between his legs and slowly reached to pick up the box laying there. He hesitated before handing it to her.

She looked at it with a question in her eyes before taking it from him and opening it slowly.

She let out a small gasp at its contents.

It was a matched set—two necklaces, lying like little half moons, the smaller chain resting above the other. Each adorned with a simple silver butterfly, sparkling with diamonds in each of their little wings.

She looked up at him in wonder.

He closed his eyes and looked down again, remembering all too well moments from one of the worst days of his life.

"_I don't know who it was," Chuck said to a friend. The entire school was abuzz about Gossip Girl's text and every guy was lining up to ask one of Blair's "best friends" about the identity of the other guy._

_He wasn't prepared when someone grabbed him from behind and pushed him up against the back of his car. He realized it was Nate._

"_Did you sleep with her, huh?" Nate's face was right next to his, his jaw clenched and his eyes spitting fire._

_Chuck didn't respond. He couldn't. He wasn't prepared for this and he knew the gig was up. He couldn't lie to Nate anymore…but he couldn't admit it out loud either._

_Nate saw the answer on his face and jerked his hands up around Chuck's neck._

"_You son of a bitch, I could kill you," Nate said, jerking harder._

"_Look, can we talk about this without your hands around my neck?" Chuck said, hoping to smooth the waters._

"_What did you do? Did you take what you wanted just like you did all those other girls?" Nate growled at him before jerking away from him, turning his back slightly, before turning back to look at him in anger._

"_Yes Nathaniel. I took what Blair kept throwing at you and you kept throwing back," Chuck said, sitting up, exasperated now. Nate was such an idiot for not wanting her in the first place. And now he wanted to get angry because someone else had?_

"_Oh, so somehow you screwing Blair for sport was _my_ fault?" Nate yelled at him, sarcasm showing as his anger grew._

"_It wasn't for sport," Chuck insisted. It could never be for sport. "She needed someone and I was there," he said. He needed Nate to understand._

"_Oh, so you cared about her!" Nate continued yelling in disbelief._

"_You guys were broken up," Chuck excused. He wasn't about to admit to anyone, especially Nate, that he cared about her._

"_Oh for how long? A week? An hour?" Nate was back in Chuck's face. Chuck was looking at the ground, unable to look at him…it really had been about an hour, give or take a few minutes._

_Nate started walking away. Panic set in and Chuck had to find a way to fix this._

"_Look, I'm sorry alright? I know how long you and I have been best friends, okay?" Chuck's voice almost squeaked on the last part. He didn't usually apologize, but he couldn't lose his best friend. _

"_No, it's not okay Chuck," Nate said, turning around and getting right into Chuck's face. "From now on you stay away from me," Nate threatened, pushing Chuck back._

_Chuck stared stupidly after him. "Nate," he tried again._

"_You stay the hell away from me Chuck!" Nate hollered at him before going into the gate of the school._

_Chuck stared at him watching one more person he cared about walking out of his life… and thought that was the cruelest thing she could have ever done to him._

"I said those things that night because I thought you had told Nate," Chuck said now. He couldn't look at her.

"What?" Blair said, looking up from the gorgeous necklaces for mother and child.

"I didn't find out until later that you didn't tell him. I thought that after I sent the text to Gossip Girl—which I did, by the way, if you didn't know—that you had decided to get one final slap at me for ruining your reputation by ruining my relationship with Nate," he finally admitted the truth.

"And I said those things because I'm Chuck Bass. I shouldn't have feelings…and you knew I did, and you still just threw me away to go back to him."

She was quiet for a long moment. "I knew about the text Chuck."

He looked at her with a question in his eyes.

"You were the only one who knew about two guys in one week," she said. She had come to congratulate him that night for doing such a wonderful job of ruining her reputation—somewhat sarcastically. But she had also come because he had always been her friend, always willing to go on the next scheme with her, and just…always there. So when she'd had no one left, she went back to him. Desperate? Yes, she had been.

"I'm sorry Blair," Chuck apologized. It was maybe the second time in his life he had ever said those words and meant it—the first time being Nate.

She nodded. They had both been hurting each other for so long.

"I'm sorry too," she admitted.

"I want to see her," Chuck said now, looking at Blair. "I'm okay with you moving on. You deserve someone better than me, even if you do go back to Nate." He nearly choked on the words, remembering that moment at her birthday party.

"Chuck Bass!" Blair almost exclaimed, clearly impressed. "I thought I was the one turning eighteen today."

He just shook his head.

"No," she turned to face forward and glanced up. "I'm done with guys… Nate, Wes, you…" She breathed out a deep sigh.

"I need to be on my own for now. Finish high school, go to college. Try to find out who I am without some guy defining me. I've been in a relationship for practically my entire life." Nate had flirted with her at the party, but she had let him down gently after the festivities came to an end. He knew it was over now. That's all that mattered as far at that went. Was this really what she wanted? She thought so anyway. She was so tired of all the drama that guys brought into the picture. She was a mother now, like it or not, and she had to think ahead.

He nodded, understanding what she was saying more than she could possibly know.

"Blair," he said, pausing until she looked at him. "I'm ready to try to do things differently. I'll be who I have to be for her. I'm not going to get everything right at first. I know that Blair. But it won't be from lack of trying. Thanksgiving is next week. I'm assuming you'll be going to see her…." He trailed off, leaving his question unasked. She was smart enough to figure out that he wanted to go with her.

"Chuck," she said, sighing now. "It's too soon. How do I know what you say is the truth?"

He nodded. "Give me until Christmas Blair."

Time stood still as he waited for her answer.

Blair closed her eyes and went over everything in her mind. She couldn't keep on doing this to him. She cared about him too much.

She opened her eyes and met his stare, finally nodding.

He let out a breath of relief, dropping his head and giving a small smile.

"Chuck…" she said, her voice barely a whisper.

He looked at her again.

"Claire. Her name is Claire."

The small smile became a large one as he realized that even after everything they had gone through, she'd named the baby after both of them.

She got worried when she thought his eyes were looking a little glassy…and not in an I-drunk-too-much sort of way.

She reached out and grabbed his arm.

"C'mon Bass. I need a ride home," she stood up. She paused and looked down at him. "But just a ride," she warned. There would be no more repeats.

He nodded and stood up. He called for his car.

They walked down the path and to the street together.

He knew that this would be the toughest thing he'd ever done, but he would do it. He finally had something special in his life that meant more than everything else. And he wasn't going to screw this up…he hoped.

* * *

I don't want this moment to ever end

Where everything's nothing without you

I'll wait here forever just to see you smile

'Cause it's true, I am nothing without you

Through it all, I made my mistakes

I stumble and fall, but I mean these words…

I want you to know

With everything I won't let this go

These words are my heart and soul

I'll hold on to this moment you know

'Cause I'd bleed my heart out to show

And I won't let go….

_Stay tuned for the Epilogue…_

Song: With Me by SUM 41


	11. Epilogue

Song is "I Dare You To Move" by Switchfoot from the soundtrack to A Walk to Remember

**

* * *

****Spotted: Or should we say Unspotted? C hasn't been on the arm of a new nameless bimbo for a while. Does he have his eye on someone special? A leopard doesn't change his spots. C can't be a one-woman guy…or can he? Queen B is free and single, does that have anything to do with C's recent change? But the two haven't been seen together at all…are they that good at hiding from my spies, or are they really not together? I'm sure all you Upper East Siders are wondering, W.T.F. is up with C? You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

**

* * *

…..welcome to the planet …..**

…..welcome to existence…..

…..everyone's here…..

…..everyone's here…..

…..**everybody's watching you now**…..

…..everybody waits for you now…..

…..**what happens next?** …..

…..what happens next? …..

**

* * *

****Unspotted: C isn't surrounded by his usual cloud of sweet smoke taking a breather outside of St. Jude's before the day commences. His one hitter has become a no hitter. At least he still basks in a Marlboro when the mood strikes. And what's that we see? Everyone go home, call in sick, and wait for the epidemic to pass. C is actually studying for his Chemistry final. Did BBB, aka daddy, lay down some hard and heavy rules? You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

**

* * *

**…..I dare you to move…..

…..I dare you to move…..

…..I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor …..

…..I dare you to move…..

…..I dare you to move…..

…..Like today never happened…..

…..Today never happened before…..

**

* * *

****Spotted: Oh yay for a happy home. C directing movers with all his stuff? S and E must be ecstatic that their black sheep brother is moving in. Hold the press! Did S's mom just give C a hug? You saw it here first. The world is coming to an end. No, wait. He still has some snide remarks for S. The world might not be so askew after all. You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

**

* * *

**…..Welcome to the fallout…..

…..Welcome to resistance…..

…..The tension is here…..

…..The tension is here…..

…..Between **who you are** and **who you could be**…..

…..Between how it is and how it should be…..

**

* * *

****Spotted: Either L drugged him or we are seeing an apparition. C actually bonding with L while hunting for baby furniture at Gracious Home? If that isn't curious enough, we hear the new Bass offspring is going to be a boy. Why does C seem mesmerized by the pink baby booties? You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

**

* * *

**…..I dare you to move…..

…..I dare you to move…..

…..I dare you to **lift yourself up off the floor** …..

…..I dare you to move…..

…..I dare you to move…..

…..Like today never happened…..

…..Today never happened before…..

**

* * *

****Spotted: C and B exchanging small smiles across the courtyard. Does this have anything to do with C's new leaf? We hear they're both wintering in France, oolala. This does my gossipmonger heart good. Too bad this site's not global. You know you love me, XOXO Gossip Girl.**

**

* * *

**…..Maybe redemption has stories to tell…..

And Chuck managed to prove to Blair that he meant what he said. He stopped womanizing almost immediately. He only had one woman on his mind anyway; everyone else had paled in comparison.

He figured that since he was a father, he should probably start buckling down with the future. Sure he came from money, but how long was his father going to be around to pour money into his coffers? He had his own family to worry about now. Where was boozing and laziness going to get him? And Blair wasn't going to have any of that anyway. Hence, he actually opened his dusty textbooks and tried to figure it all out. Shockingly, he was smarter than he gave himself credit for.

He couldn't possibly abandon all of his old ways. If he did, it wouldn't have still been him. He stopped smoking pot as much as possible and cut back to just plain cigarettes. He still drank, but not so excessively that he hit on anything that walked and woke up not remembering the night before. And he still drove Serena insane with incest jokes. He had to have his fun somewhere. He was still a manipulative bastard, but he'd learned his lesson. He wasn't going to ever try to manipulate Blair again. The backfire burned too much.

He had made this strange bond with Lily. He couldn't help but smirk and balk at the idea of being around her, but he actually had a small soft spot for her. She really did care about him even if he wasn't her son…she had actually given him chance after chance without him even realizing it…which is probably why he found himself in the middle of a posh baby store on 67th St making snide remarks about all the furniture that was ironically a "Serena" brand. He didn't even see the Gossip Girl fanatic with her camera when he couldn't stop himself from picking up a pair of pink baby booties, astonished at how small they were. He was chagrined to see it on the website the next day. At least they didn't see him return to the store later to purchase some items for the upcoming Christmas season.

**

* * *

**…..Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell…..

Blair finally told Serena the truth. After the shock wore off, and the horror, Serena forgave her rather quickly and—even though she hated Chuck with a passion—she was ecstatic to be an actual aunt instead of just an "in name" one. She dubbed herself the baby's godmother and wouldn't take no for an answer.

Blair wouldn't have said no anyway. She really did love Serena. She had missed her so much while she was away. And, truthfully, she regretted not telling her the truth. But that was all water under the bridge, and Serena and Blair's bridge was actually strong.

Speaking of bridges, Nate tried to come around again when Gossip Girl started posting things about Chuck's redeeming himself and the possibility of a Chuck and Blair reconciliation. Blair had missed Nate while she was away, but she realized that she was more in love with the idea of him—meeting at age five and being together ever since, white picket fence, Yale, 2.5 kids—then she was actually in love with him. And, honestly, Chuck was right. Nate really couldn't get her blood boiling like Chuck could….but that was something she'd never admit to Chuck. She didn't want him to get a bigger head than he already had… plus, they tried not to mention Nate ever.

Blair and Chuck hadn't slept together again since the day before her birthday. She was holding as true to her word as she possibly could. She did get to see him a lot though now that he lived in the Van Der Woodsen/Bass house. She went to visit Serena and ended up joining the entire family for dinner more often than she dined at her own home. Of course, with her mother gone a lot of the time, nobody noticed.

Chuck had impressed her to no end with what he thought she wanted from him. She was more pleased about the womanizing and manipulating ending than anything else. She decided just to see what else he would do on his own.

She knew beyond a shadow of a doubt after everything he did, especially when she hadn't given him any reason to hope for them to be together like _that_ again, he really did care about Claire. Knowing about the existence of Claire and wanting to see her had changed him.

After Blair told Chuck that Christmas was a go, they got down to the business of telling their parents the truth.

They told Blair's parents first. It was a little bit easier because they already knew the baby existed. Eleanor had been shocked and concerned, but she hadn't seen her daughter as happy in over a year as when Blair sat down with Chuck across from Eleanor and told her the truth. As horrified as Eleanor was, she saw the way Chuck was there for her daughter, and the looks he gave her when she wasn't looking. Harold was relieved that Blair finally told him and he graciously offered his home as the location for the grand family reunion to take place over the Christmas break.

Bart and Lily had been another matter entirely. It was fortunate Lily was there, or Bart might have exploded through the roof.

Lily finally understood exactly why Chuck had reached out to her, and even though she thought this was too soon for him, she was glad that the baby had such an influence on him. That being said, she was slightly disgruntled at the idea that she was a grandmother.

But not nearly as disgruntled as Bart who tried to lay into Chuck for being irresponsible and stupid. Lily managed to calm him down and point out the changes they had seen. Bart's face was still red, but he had noticed the changes no matter how angry he was getting. Nothing that he had addressed because he didn't know how to… but he had received a report card from the school that was not nearly as horrible as the past few years. Chuck's finals had driven up his grades astronomically.

It took Bart a little time, but it didn't matter. As soon as Blair and Chuck mentioned a family Christmas in France, Lily had booked the flight. Bart came around at about the same time that Lily was dragging him along to a limo heading to the airport.

**

* * *

**…..Where can you run to escape from yourself?…..

And just like that, the day Chuck had been waiting so long for had finally arrived.

The car drove up to the winding circle that was the entrance to the massive mansion standing on the outskirts of the vineyard. Everyone piled out and walked to the front doors, going inside. Blair was a head of the bunch, anxious to see her daughter even though she'd seen her so recently over Thanksgiving holiday.

Chuck held back though. Now that he was here, he was actually a little uncertain. He knew he had worked his ass off to finally see her, but it didn't help that he still wondered sometimes if he had any right to her… if he really deserved this.

…..Where you gonna go?...

Serena noticed him standing by the limo, just staring at the house. He wasn't making any motion to go forward. She knew what it felt like to try to make up for past mistakes. She had never felt worthy of Dan's love until he convinced her just how much she meant to him. She knew Chuck must be freaking out inside—what person wouldn't be? He was about to meet his daughter for the very first time. This little bit of wonder that he was responsible for. This is one thing he didn't want to screw up. She should know about that, she'd screwed up a lot.

She walked back to him and reached out her hand. He looked at her, his face blank. Finally she just grabbed his hand and gave a little tug.

"C'mon bro, it'll be alright," Serena said.

…..Where you gonna go?...

And finally he was walking to the house, following Serena up the stairs and through the door. They weren't really sure where to go, but they followed the sound of voices down the hall to the right and into a sitting room.

Everyone was standing around Blair who was holding the six month old Claire. She was so tiny. Blair was holding her in a tight hug, the baby's head resting on her neck.

Blair turned and saw him standing hesitantly in the doorway. She smiled at him and then walked toward him.

And there she was…

He slowly reached out toward Blair who tucked her hands around the baby's stomach and turned her to face him.

…..**Salvation is here**…..

And then he was holding her…actually holding this warm little bundle of baby that he had a hand in creating. He had one arm around her back, holding her in the crook of his arm. His other hand rested on her little stomach before he trailed his fingers up to touch her cheek. The baby was at the age where new people intrigued her so she stared up into Chuck's face and grinned a happy smile.

Chuck couldn't help but grin back at her and watch as she blew little raspberries up at him.

…..I dare you to move….

He couldn't tear his eyes away. She was perfect…absolutely perfect. In the middle of all his mess-ups, he'd done something right for a change. He hadn't even known it.

…..I dare you to move…..

He finally brought the baby up to his left shoulder and wrapped his arms around her, just as Blair had done. He held her close but not too tightly. He wasn't sure of what to do around babies really. He'd read a few snippets from some books at the baby store with Lily…while she wasn't looking of course. He figured if he mimicked Blair, he'd be okay for now.

Claire rested her head against her father's shoulder and sighed happily, snuggling close, not knowing how important this moment was for him.

Chuck finally looked at everyone around him. Serena and Lily were making a quick brush at an eye, trying to hold back tears at witnessing this moment. Eleanor and Roman were another story. She was trying to comfort him while he sniffled and looked for a tissue.

Then he looked at Blair…

…..I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor…..

She was giving a sweet smile, one of the sweetest he'd ever seen her give. She reached out and rubbed the baby's back.

Then she looked into his eyes and nodded.

"Good job Bass," she whispered.

…..I dare you to move…..

He couldn't help himself. He held the baby with his left arm and reached out for Blair. He held his breath as she seemed to consider.

…..I dare you to move…

And then she walked into him and dropped her head on his right shoulder, facing toward him and the baby instead of away. She wrapped an arm around his back and he wrapped his free arm around her.

…..Like today never happened…..

And he thought of all the todays of yesterday. All the stupid mistakes…everything he'd done to Blair and to himself. And he knew that this was what it was all about. This moment in time. Everything had led him to where he was supposed to be.

…..Today never happened…..

He couldn't have been happier…except maybe he could.

And as Blair turned to face their guests, dropping her arm to rest around his waist, he knew that there was only one more thing that could make this any more perfect.

…..Today never happened…..

Blair had forgiven him. He had forgiven her. Blair was letting him into Claire's life.

…..Today never happened before…..

It didn't matter how long it took. He was going to win her back. And he wasn't going to try anything underhanded to do it. She wanted him once before. She would let him back in again.

And he also wondered if it was too late to apply to a French university.

**

* * *

****Spotted: B and C returning from France with big smiles. And what's that we see? Holding hands? I think hell just froze over. Oh, wait. They spotted my spy. Check out the pic, matching smirks all around. The flames are definitely still burning hot in Hades. Everyone, take the opportunity to shudder now. The two most dangerous people in the Upper East Side just joined forces. Lord, save us all. You know you love me, XOXO Gossip girl**

_

* * *

_

Finished


End file.
